Denial
by mardalfoosen
Summary: (Previously known as A Dozen Glazed Doughnuts) In which mistakes are made...
1. Twelve Doughnuts, Two Potatoes

AN: This is going to be SatanXYuri. Shit's going to go down eventually. Hopefully there will be someone out there that will enjoy this. Hopefully their name will be Kevin. And they'll be a belly dancer or an accountant.

* * *

"12 dozen glazed doughnuts, please," I ordered, nervously twirling my bright green credit card around in my gloved fingers.

"That'll be $100," Nodding my head, I swiped the card. I can't believe I'm charging 100 dollars on a credit card _for doughnuts_. Aren't credit cards supposed to be for emergencies? Well, I guess this does qualify as an emergency.

"Are those for a party?" The clerk asked me.

"No, my comrade's lives depend on these doughnuts," I said.

Seeing the clerk confused by my response, I grabbed my doughnuts and I was on my way to the forest where everything started.

Back then, I was an Exorcist working for the Knights of True Cross. My team consisted of Kanae Sugase, an aria, and Hideki Akamatsu, a knight. We didn't work every well together. Every time we went on a mission they'd only be concerned with one another. The mission was secondary to their unresolved sexual tension. Hideki was always trying to impress Kanae and vice versa. That's how I got in this situation.

Our mission was to investigate a flood of demons coming from the area. Swarms of coal tar flew past us, producing a strong wind that sent my wavy hair flying. After a lot of bickering we decided to get closer to see the source. In the epicentre of the coal tar tsunami laid a disgusting pool of floating heads. Hideki, wanting to assert his manhood, tried to slash it with his zweihander, causing the heads to get angry. He looked like he was about to fall in…

"Hideki, wait!" I shouted, running to him while shooing away the coal tar. I had to stop him before it was too late. If he fell in, neither of us would be able to retrieve him.

As predicted, he fell in. Terrified, Kanae tried to pull him out but the heads kept getting angrier, more violent. One head revealed sharp fangs as it bit into her arm, dragging her in.

"No," I fell to my knees in desperation. I was a Doctor, what could I do?

Regaining my composure, I stood. Alone and cowardly, I watched my teammates disappear underneath the heads. I couldn't do anything. No, I had to do something.

I bit my lip.

I had a plan.

I scooted closer to the edge and lowered my body down into it, as a swimmer lowers themselves into a pool. Except in my case the pool was a demonic cesspool. (Note to Satan: Not the most welcoming gate. Might want to work on that if you want that tourist industry to blow up.)

"All I have to do is find my teammates and run back through the gate," I said, "It's going to be fine."

Finally, I fell on to the white marble of a bathroom. I stood and looked to the direction I fell from, up or down? I was too disoriented to tell. There it was, the Gehenna Gate. It seemed to be closing now. I watched my small chance of survival wither and die.

"It's going to be okay," I tried to reassure myself, "Stay focused, find your friends. Who knows, it may open again."

I started to look for signs of my friends. I quickly noticed a terrible smell and a few drops of blood on the marble leading towards the exit. Although I was terrified, I bit my lip and marched on. Avoiding various uniformed demons, I followed the trails through a maze of corridors until I reached a dungeon-like area. Except in this case, the dungeon was a Starbucks café with a few cells and torture instruments.

I hesitated. This is Gehenna, be cautious, this is foreign land… I'll need a weapon.

I reached into my pocket with sweaty hands, searching for the best weapon. Breathing rapidly, I pulled out a metal nail file. I clenched my fists and walked into the dungeon.

Two demon men stood face to face, a blonde, facing me, and a black haired man, facing away.

"Oh, look. It's another one," The blonde said. He ran towards me, claws aiming for my neck.

When he was within range, I stabbed him repeatedly with my excellent filing skills.

"Arrgh!"

His screams of agony seemed to have worried the other demon because, soon enough, I hit the wall. The one I stabbed looked eager to bathe in my internal organs, while the other stared at the bloody nail file in my hand.

"Can I borrow that?" He asked, "My nail broke when I threw you."

Upon examination, his long nail was indeed broken. I wiped some of the blood on a nearby napkin and, hoping to earn a free pass out, I handed him the nail file.

In complete silence, this extremely weird demon just stood and filed his nail. Finally he determined that he had salvaged what he could and he handed it back to me. The metal was especially warm, leading me to believe that this black haired man was a fire demon.

"Thank you."

"This bitch is freaking dead," The blonde, now fully healed, lunged at me. His bright red flames spewed out of his body. I guess they're both fire demons. Well, 'Birds of a feather flock together.'

"No, it is not," The black haired demon said, grabbing his hairy arm, "Calm down, Ifrit."

"…Fine."

I was in shock. I wasn't dead. I went to Gehenna, spied on some demons, stabbed one, and I survived. They started to walk away and I asked, "Can you release my friends as well?"

"This whore! My bud here did you a favour but that's not enough, huh?" The blonde glared at me.

The black haired demon turned his blue eyes towards me and said, "Doughnuts. If you bring me 12 boxes I'll let them live."

"12 boxes?! Do you mean a one case? And why doughnuts?" I asked.

His eyes now held excitement and curiosity, "I've never had doughnuts. Are they good?"

"Uhh, yeah," I stuttered, "But are you _sure _you want 12 whole boxes? That's 144 doughnuts."

He raised an eyebrow at my statement, "Are you suggesting I can't do basic math?"

"No, but-"

"Yes, I am sure. Now go get me the doughnuts, human," he said, clearly tired of our meaningless conversation.

"How-"

"Here," He cut open his arm with his nail. Blood poured out of the wound as he chanted in a strange language. Once the gate was open he said, "By the way, my name is Lucien Octavius Satanus Aurelius Baal, but everyone calls me Satan."

"It's not Lucifer?"

He glared, "Do you want to die? No? Then I suggest getting me those doughnuts," Shaking his head, he muttered, "Why does everyone get it confused with Lucifer?"

"Why did you open the first gate?" I asked the king of Gehenna with as little fear I could.

"There was an odd smell in my bathroom. Sort of like Coal Tar mixed with a wet Hobgoblin."

Ifrit turned red and said, "Urr, Satan… that was me."

Satan's sapphire eyes held terror, disgust, and awe. He quickly wiped the emotion from his face and turned away. He grabbed his coffee and walked out of the room. Ifrit then walked in the other direction, leaving me in a demonic torture café with a teeny-weeny portal and my friends locked in a cell. I quickly ran around searching for a key of some kind in the room, but it just wasn't in there. I jumped in and turned up in an alley in True Cross.

-Weird head gate thing-

"Huh Yuri? Is that you?" Said a white haired young man with various crosses all over his garb. He had a rifle and a sword on his belt. Oh, and he was holding a potato in each hand.

"Hello? Earth to Yuri."

"Oh! Hey Shiro! It looks like my best friend has come back to haunt me."

We laughed and made casual conversation until he mentioned he was a candidate for the new paladin.

"Wow! That's so cool. I wish I could've been there when you found out. Your facial expressions are always hilarious."

"Yeah, I went to your house but you weren't there. Then I heard you had a mission to some forest investigating a foul demonic scent and an overabundance of coal tars."

"Yeah, weirdest mission ever," I said. I suddenly remembered about my teammates. "I haven't been here in so long, where can I buy some great doughnuts?"

"Are you… Pregnant?" Shiro went pale.

I felt like I was about to vomit, "Hell no! Why would you-"

"Mood swings, food cravings, nausea, etc." Shiro said in what he thought was an intelligent voice.

"I'm just trying to buy doughnuts. Those delicious pastries could save lives. Figuratively of course!" I tried to play it off as a joke, but the future paladin wasn't stupid. I knew he had just made a mental note of strange behaviour. And, especially after a mission where my team went missing, if he told I would be evaluated for possession. I awkwardly laughed and fidgeted with my fingers.

"Shiro, please… just help me get the doughnuts."

"…okay."

* * *

In Gehenna, elections were taking place. Satan walked up to the podium to announce the names of the new parliament and prime minister (Of course, all those positions were below him.)

"Eric Wing

Stacey Barresi

Catherine Sanders"

The list went on and on, until he reached the prime minister. Without thinking, he read the name as printed on the envelope.

"And the prime minister is…Duck-Duck-William."

Realising that the name was pronounced "Da-Dah-Wee-li-am" the demon king tried to hide his embarrassment but blushing is an involuntary reflex. He coughed a few times and ran his fingers through his somewhat long black hair.

The audience watched their supreme dictator/ friendly neighbourhood spider-man blue flames guy, fail miserably with sick amusement. The sadistic demon gatherers were divided into three groups; the ones throwing potentially harmful things at Satan, the ones laughing at Satan, and the ones who just got up and left. The third group was presumably moving to Assiah to escape Satan's painfully stupid ways.

Satan ran off stage. He could never show his face again. The event aired live, so he couldn't even kill all the witnesses. He ran to his palace and then to his room. He stepped into his huge closet and picked out something he hadn't worn in years. Taking the long forgotten clothing in hand, he walked to the bathroom and started to get dressed.

I paid for the doughnuts and walked out the store. Shiro was waiting outside.

I spotted the exorcist and said, "Well, it was nice seeing you, but I've got to run."

He grabbed my arm, stopping me from leaving. "What's going on?" He asked.

"It's nothing."

"…Yuri. Just tell me, will whatever you're doing end up hurting you or anyone else?"

"…No," I said. I hadn't realised it then, but that wound up being the biggest lie of my life.

He nodded and released my arm. "See ya," He said, although I couldn't help but sense worry in his voice.

I walked back into the forest to find the spot where the gate was. Then I jumped in once more. This gate was really getting on my nerves. With it's weird heads and goo. It's no wonder Satan never comes to Assiah.

I fell on top of the infamous drug lord Satan or whatever the demons call him. He let out a high-pitched screech that I could not distinguish from my own.

"Get the fuck off of me!" He started to push me off him, potentially hurting the doughnuts in the process.

"Stop struggling! You'll squash the doughnuts."

All things went quiet. Even the _doughnuts_ were no longer speaking to me, although I had originally attributed that to the sad fate that awaited them. Satan was clearly shocked and, this time, made no effort to subdue it. I stood up and looked down at the pathetic demon king lying on the floor. Looking at his clothing, I made a strange observation.

"Why are you wearing a dress? And a tiara. And 5 inch pumps," I asked. It was going to take _years_ of therapy to get that image out of my mind.

His black fluffy tail swished around with rage before he realised it was out and promptly hid it. "It's called individuality. Learn it," He growled.

"No, it's not. There are plenty of drag-queens and crossdressers."

His glare wasn't that impressive, but it still managed to scare me when I realised that, no matter how foolish, he was the king of Gehenna for a reason. I quickly apologised, stacked the doughnuts, handed him the towering stack of doughnuts, and requested my friends.

"I'll go get them," He said, "…I can't believe you got the doughnuts."

"Exorcist vow number 1: Always protect your friends."

He scoffed, "Exorcist vows? I always knew it was a cult."

"It's not like that! It's a code of honour!" I shouted.

"Don't yell at me, human," He growled. "Now shut up and follow me."

I followed him as instructed.

As we walked back towards the café, I saw a few things I was too frightened to before. Expensive vases on pedestals, gorgeous paintings, and a wall sculpture of what looked to be a lion-goat. The entire palace was filled with black Victorian style décor. It didn't look like a stylistic choice; it looked like he was too lazy to get it changed.

"The gothic castle thing really needs to go," I said.

"Do you like death? If not, shut up, human," Satan growled as he grabbed my wrist.

"But-"

"Are you stupid? How many times do I have to tell you to shut up?" His grip got tighter and I tried to pull my arm back, but when the demon let out another growl and yanked me, I gave up. He continued to essentially drag me to the café torture chambers. When we got there, a well-dressed demon woman, who I recognised as the barista, was poking at my teammates with her long manicured nails. "Sit," he said as he gently placed the doughnuts down on the table and threw me at a chair.

"Milord!" The sudden noise shocked the demoness back to reality and she turned to look at Satan.

"Hello," He said as he took the key out of the microwave.

Goddamn it! If only I had checked inside the microwave.

"What kind of idiot hides a key in a microwave?" Hideki shouted. Silence quickly overcame everyone as Satan's murderous aura poured out from his demonic pores. "Like, seriously. How thoughtless and irresponsible do you have to be? Can't microwaves explode from metal? That's a safety hazard. What if that went off while you weren't here? We'd be dead because you put a key in the freaking microwave! Are you fucking shitting me?! I didn't sign up for this! I was just trying to protect Kanae over here, but NOOOO. You _have_ to take everything personally. It's not _our_ fault _you_ opened a gate! Take responsibility for your actions, you shit maggot!"

"….." Satan froze in place. He slowly turned his head to my screaming teammate and glared.

Hideki banged his red face on the bars and screamed, "Why aren't you responding, you shit guzzler? Can't think of anything witty to say, huh? GO FUCK YOURSEL-"

Kanae poked Hideki.

"What?!" He asked, still raging.

Kanae pointed at blue flames flooding out from the demon's body. The way fear twisted his eyes into wide brown hopeless holes was terrifying. Their fear quickly spread to me as I felt the hairs all over my body rise. The demoness looked like she would have pissed her pants if not for the fact that they probably were Gucci or whatever.

"Milord, I think you should c-calm down." She trembled with her head down, violet hair covering her. She almost looked ready to cry. She tried to keep her spiked tail from shaking, but it was of no use. Green eyes looked up at the flaming demon lord with hope.

"Monday, get Doughnut-Human and get out." Satan growled.

My eye twitched at the sound of my new nickname. Monday's tail danced in glee as the demoness quickly stood and walked over to me. In a moment of either selfishness or common sense, I ran out with the demoness. We were covered in sweat which I blamed on the heat, although it was definitely partly caused by fear. Trying to calm down, I played with my fingers as Monday bit at her long nails. The situation was extremely stressful, causing me to attempt to make conversation with the fanged woman.

"My name's Yuri Egin. Lower-Second Class Exorcist." I held out my hand.

"I'm Monday, the barista." She took my hand with apprehension. "You're not going to try to exorcise me? Right?"

"If you're not going to kill me." I laughed. "So, you work for Satan?"

"Yeah…"

"What type? Err- Who are you kin to?"

"What is that supposed to mean?" She asked as she glared.

"What type of demon are you?"

"You mean my race?! What kind of question is that?" She shouted, fangs showing.

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to be rude." I apologised. "I was out of line, I'm sorry."

"…okay," she lowered her shoulders.

We sat quietly for a few moments before she asked, "Did you see the elections?" It seemed this 'shy' woman was actually a gossip queen in disguise.

My clueless face was her cue, "There was an election and Satan had to read the new officials names. Well, he messed up a pronunciation and ran off crying."

"So that's why he's wearing that dress," I thought out loud.

"What? That doesn't make sense. Never mind, he looks like a tulip. A giant, flaming tulip." Monday said.

"Oh. I thought it was more of a prom queen look." I suggested. We shrugged and decided that it didn't matter what he looked like because, in the end, he still looks ridiculous. "Anyways, I love those heels of his. The rhinestones really finish the look and they're _hot as hell_."

She stared blankly. "Never do that again. I thought the tiara was perfect. The rumours say it belonged to his dead sister or something." Monday giggled.

At that moment, Satan walked out of his torture café. His legs were covered in my friends' blood and his heels left bloody footprints. The sound of his heels clinking made me think of a sexy librarian, just without the books or the glasses. He turned to the violet headed woman with hatred in his eyes.

He said in a quiet forceful voice, "I never had a sister. But if I did, then it would be wise not to mention the traitor to me. It might cause me to get angry, hypothetically of course." He cocked his head to his left and walked up to her, either caressing or scratching her face with his claw.

"If I were you I wouldn't return," he continued. "Or you might end up like this imaginary sister of mine."

He walked to a table, picked up a vase and threw it on the ground while mumbling something. He crushed the remaining glass with his heels and picked up the flowers. He placed them on the table and stroked the plants with love. Twirling a pink flower between his fingers, he ordered a passing servant to clean the mess and walked back towards us.

"Monday, you're dismissed." He said to the barista as he turned to me. "Human. Your friends. They're-"

"Dead. Yeah, I figured," I glared at him with my arms crossed, "You didn't keep your end of the deal."

He attempted to hand me the pink flower, "Then I-"

"Owe me."

He growled, "Stop-"

"Interrupting you." I smirked.

He lunged at me but I dodged and shook my finger. "Remember, _I_ bought you 12 boxes of doughnuts. So _you_ have to do me 12 favours."

He stopped trying to attack me as he realised I was right. He was bound by his demon honour. "…Fine."

"Let me go back to Assiah."

"No." He stated firmly.

"What the hell?"

"You know too much. You'll tell all the filthy exorcists about my dress." He looked absolutely mortified at the thought of the "filthy exorcists" knowing about his odd form of expression.

"You're embarrassed," I said, laughing. I felt a warm hand grasp my neck and heard Satan's growls. Oh dear...

"And _you're_ dead," He said. His threat fell on (almost) deaf ears, seeing as I had leverage, if I lived long enough to say it.

Even though the lack of air made it quite painful to think, let alone speak, I said, "Remember, the doughnuts."

He instantly dropped me and as my head span I saw him walk away in the direction of his bathroom, walking as elegantly as a cross-dressing blood covered demon could. Everything seemed quieter and I didn't know what was going on around me. My thoughts wandered until everything went black.

* * *

Silence.

As he walked in, the demon king took off the, previously white, red dress and his sequined diva pumps. He grabbed a spare black nightshirt from his closet and threw it on. After brushing his fangs and fixing his hair, Satan sat on his bed. He soon discovered he couldn't sleep. His gaze danced around the room, looking for something. He despised being spied on more than anything. And, although he didn't wish to upset the intruder, he couldn't take it. He could swear that she was here.

"I know you're there." He reluctantly said.

A thin woman slipped from the shadows. Elongated ears and razor sharp fangs were clear signs that this woman was no human, but the radiant aura and warm glow suggested she was a more ethereal being than the average demon. She shared Satan's black hair and blue eyes and appeared to be acquainted with the demon. Her pearl blue dress went slightly past the knee, but when she walked you could see there was a white ribbon tied to her leg. The accessory seemed to be holding some sort of object and as she strode over to the fire-spewing demon, regret formed in her eyes.

"What's wrong?" Satan asked mockingly. He stood and curtseyed, "Why would my dear sister grace me with her _angelic_ presence?"

"Satan. I know what you're planning."

"Oh really?" He asked, "Then you should know that I _wasn't_ going to kill all the humans, yet." He hated many things and many things hated him, but couldn't stand humans; the different ones, the undesirable walking lumps of flesh. He stood up, his long white night shirt sliding against his slightly toned thighs. Putting his hands on his hips, he sarcastically said "But now that I think about it, Lynne, maybe you're right? I really should burn every one of those disgusting apes. I know you'll love hearing them screaming in agony."

"Satan. You know what you're doing is wrong." Lynne persisted.

Satan snarled, "Actually, I'm not doing anything. I haven't done anything for the past century or two. No full scale invasions, no bombs, no getting Astaroth to make a weird disease.

"I'm doing nothing."

The smirk on his face as he said those words frightened the angel enough to run, but she stood in place. She reached for the item tied to her leg with a ribbon. -A dagger soaked in the highest quality holy water and various other demon poisons. He stood still as she ran towards the demonic king with her weapon aiming for his upper body. When he moved slightly to the left to avoid her attack, he bumped into an opening door. A certain brunette human walked in and gazed upon the situation. She looked left to right and back to left, trying to determine if she was going to bother.

She spoke, "Can I use the bathroom?"

The demon king and the "angel" blinked. They rubbed their eyes in unison and Lynne said, "We're kind of in the middle of killing each other here."

"Just go in," he said. "Make sure to bleach everything your disgusting human ass touches."

The human woman glared at him and its eyes suddenly lit up. It held up a finger as if to say, "Wait," and ran to the bathroom. It ran out with a container of bleach in hand and pushed him on to the bed. It sat on his lap as it struggled with the container of bleach. Finally, after three whole seconds, it opened the bleach and poured it all over Satan. The demon king had no concept of what just happened and he sat still, covered in chemical cleaners, with his mouth open. In reality, no one knew what to do, but they all knew the human won. It stood up and watched the flushed demon king attempt to register the situation.

Pulling himself together, he started, "Human. What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you insane?" His voice didn't have the usual anger, now, it just held amusement and approval. "That was great."

"You get a kick out of the strangest things."

* * *

He stood up and walked to the bathroom to wash off. I turned to the demon woman.

"So you guys were playing murder? Huh? I used to love that game before I watched Star Wars," I joked.

"What are you talking about? I knew humans weren't the brightest, but you're just retarded," She growled, obviously missing the, admittedly terrible, joke.

"It was a joke. Why were you trying to kill him?" I stretched my arms as I fell back on his bed. It was a nice bed and the white covers were soft.

"He's evil!" She shouted and then quietly mumbled, "And bad for my reputation… All the angels think I'm pretty cool. Until they find out _that's_ my brother. Ugh," she ranted.

"Oh. You're his sister?"

"Sadly. Are you his girlfriend?"

I choked, "If that's what they're calling prisoners nowadays…"

"You're his prisoner?" She stood up and ran towards me, checking for cuts, bruises, or abrasions. "Are you okay? Did he hurt you?!"

I pushed her hands off me, "I'm perfectly fine but he choked me a while ago." Her strange behaviour confused me.

He walked back in and Lynne asked, "Why are you keeping her here?"

He glared at both of us and said, "I want to."

"So what? She probably has human things to do when she gets home."

"Well, too bad. She's not going home," Satan said.

"Wh-what?! I can't stay here! My goldfish-"

"Shut up," He said as he plopped down next to me on the bed. He turned his head to look at his sister on the other side of the room and I noticed his giant ears. They were slightly curved and long.

"You have giant elf ears," I said and laughed.

He growled in response.

After a long silence, his sister stood up and said in a frustrated tone, "Okay. I'm not going to be able to kill you today, so goodbye and I hope you choke." With a wave of her hand she disappeared.

"What's her problem?" I asked the psychotic demon.

He started to tell me but then said, "Why would I tell you, human?"

"Why not?" I said with a smile.

Other than a quiet 'hmph,' he didn't respond.

"You're not that bad, you know. You're interesting." I moved slightly closer to his face to see his reaction.

He grunted and crossed his arms, "You think I'm insane."

"You are. But you're okay. You just have really intense mood swings." I laughed and closed my eyes as I snuggled against his shoulder. He tensed immediately causing me to laugh even more. I was exhausted.

"Are you always this unaware of personal space?" He growled.

"Yep. And I'm not getting off either." I snuggled closer and gripped his arm tightly. "You're a cool friend."

"I'm not your friend." He poked me in the side with malicious intent.

I snuggled deeper into his arm, "Heh, who'd have thought that I'd befriend Satan, the king of demons and the enemy of mankind."

"We are not friends. You're my pet. Get off me."

He continued to growl, glare, and threaten me until I fell asleep.

* * *

Satan hummed a low tune as he waited for the human girl to get off him. Fifteen minutes later, it still hadn't moved so he resumed poking the girl with his claws. He realised it was asleep so he picked the girl up and threw it onto the floor. He walked over its still sleeping body to his desk where a notebook sat. He opened the notebook to the next available page.

"Dear Kevin,

Today was an interesting day," He wrote, "A group of disgusting humans fell into my bathroom and dirtied it up with their blood. The first two died under what I'd call 'mysterious circumstances' and the strange one gave me some doughnuts. They were good and I owed it so I let it live. It saw me dressing up as RuPaul so I couldn't release it back into the wild. I have taken in the spotted doughnut human as my pet and it is adapting well to it new environment. It must be very glad to finally be out of the disgusting polluted realm humans live in. It poured bleach on me and I found that hilarious, although it did start to burn after a while.

In general, today has been a good day. Sure, that human male made me angry, but everything's fine once you pour their blood all over the dungeon. The fact that I haven't just murdered this human yet surprises me. I hope that I'll get to kill it soon. It would be a waste to let this human live for much longer.

In addition, please let me know when you've secured that job at the law firm. I really do wish to see your "Danse du ventre" days over. I miss the 8th century when you worked as an accountant for that brick company. Those were quality bricks.

Goodbye for now, my love.

~Satan."

* * *

***Extra Scene: A Satanic Morning***

"Milord, it's time to wake up. You have an important breakfast meeting."

"Grrr, too early. Screw the meeting, I'm tired," Satan grumbled through his pillow. His dark hair was tangled and scattered and dark circles were visible beneath his eyes.

"Milord, you've already postponed this meeting…Three times."

The demon king let out a continuous groan as he slowly sat up. He rubbed his swollen eyes.

"You can leave now," Satan said.

After the servant girl left, Satan rolled out of bed naked and headed to the bathroom. He grabbed a towel and stuck his hand in the already prepared bath. Seeing that it was to his liking his, he cautiously got in. He grabbed his 'head &amp; tail' men's shampoo. He gave a slight smile as the citrus scent hit his ears. He purred as he lathered his tail. Bath time was one of his favourite times of the day.

"Thank the Goddess for daily baths," He said.

"Milord! You're late and the Prime Minister's secretary just called! You need to hurry!"

"Tell him to wait. I'll be there eventually," Satan said, dismissing the girl with a wave of his hand.

Satan finished his bath and dried off. Feeling much happier than usual, the demon king skipped to the scale. He stepped on and waited for it to calculate his current weight.

Beep-beep.

The number flashed on the screen.

62.

"OH MY GODDESS! I GAINED 5 KG!" Satan flailed around the bathroom in shock, agony, and disgust. 'This couldn't be right,' he thought.

He reweighed himself and got the same number. 62. He looked down to his stomach and saw that he was developing a bit of a stomach. He grimaced. What could have possibly caused this weight gain?

"The- the doughnuts! That human made me fat!" He said, falling to his knees, "But, they were good…It's…not fair."

"And I was just about to ask for more…"

* * *

If you've gotten this far, take the time to review! It only takes three seconds to type, "Kill yourself!"

^I made Satan the same height as Yuki, so Satan's 180 cm or 5'11, so he's not actually overweight, just overreacting.


	2. This is a demon,This is a demon on drugs

Chapter 2- This is a demon. This is a demon on drugs…

* * *

A month had passed and Ifrit stood in a motel room, blonde stubble on his face and the taste of bathtub moonshine on his tongue. Pouring the rest of the liquor on the carpet, stained with various secretions, he stood. With a snap of his fingers, he lit the alcohol, although the flame was not nearly as intense as if he'd been sober. Bright red flames danced in his glazed eyes, but the blonde deemed the flame too weak for his liking. The drunk waddled to his red Ford Fiesta and grabbed the leftover grimy burritos, a can of redbull, hot wings, and gasoline. The tipsy arsonist stumbled to his temporary room cradling the fuel for his flame like a baby. He forced open the door and threw the fuel into the blaze. The fuel seemed to give the fire the needed boost and caused it to strengthen. Someone was bound to notice the black smoke and crackling fire soon.

If one inspected, they would see the shape of a young violet haired demoness in the window with an assault rifle. Ifrit, too intoxicated to care, began chanting an improvised drunken incantation while he stroked a nearby chair. Sticking a hand into a crease he moaned, aroused.

"You know, chair. I'd fuck you."

Sudden pain went through his chest. He looked at his abdomen to see a circle of bright red blood surrounding the holy bullet wound. Fearing for his safety and possible arrest, he reached for his cell phone as the pain intensified. He dialled the first number that came to his mind while he screamed in agony.

* * *

Ring, Ring, Ring.

…

Ring.

Satan answered his phone. A certain man screamed into the phone. It seemed he wasn't paying attention to the demon lord he had called.

"Hello?" Satan asked. He rubbed his temples in irritation. He was sick of Ifrit. Sure, they'd been friends back in college, but Satan matured. He was no longer a redbull chugging idiot. Satan began to remember all the times they set places on fire, gave each other home tattoos, and did drugs. With a grimace, he looked to the faded thousand-year-old tattoo on his wrist. A blurred, crude drawing of a penis with the words "Mellita, domi adsum," gazed back at him. He vaguely remembered giving Ifrit a similar one, but he was blessing high at the time. He shuddered, reflecting on his attempt to quit in his early hundreds. Opium withdrawal was a terrible thing, he had decided. Shrugging, he hung up on his friend.

The black haired demon grunted, "He's just at some party and called by mistake." He walked to the guest bedroom and opened the door, sending it flying. The human inside screamed and tried to evade the mahogany door. He shook his head and said, "Maybe I am worried for the idiot."

* * *

"What the hell!?" I rolled from the bed, pulling the purple blankets with me to cover my body since I wore a sheer nightgown he had bought me. "You could have killed me!"

"But I didn't. That's another one."

"What?"

"That's another favour. You have nine left."

"WHAT?! No way are you serious," I looked to his face. I looked into his electric blue eyes and, after seeing he wasn't joking, I made an innocent puppy face but it didn't work. There's no way I wasted three favours already. I tried to remember what I wasted my favours on. The first favour was not killing me, but I didn't remember the second. It popped into my head like a bullet; the second was using his bathroom. This man was insane! I pouted and muttered, "Not fair. This is inhumane treatment."

He looked a bit confused at my usage of the word "inhumane," but decided against saying anything. He opened his mouth to say something but his phone rang. "Not again," he sighed and rubbed his temples in extreme annoyance. He answered the phone.

"Hello? Helloo? Ifrit? Why are you calling me?" Seeing I was interested, he put it on speaker.

"_Lucien, Satan, my bud. Oh sweet Gehenna, I've been shot."_

"Hah. Very funny." The demon king was not amused.

"_No. It's not a joke! I've been shot. Some girl. Bitch just shot me."_

"What did you do? You cheated again, didn't you?" Satan asked in an annoyed voice.

"_I set a motel on fire!"_ Ifrit sounded like he was in pain.

The demon king groaned, "What motel? Where are you?"

"_The ANNELIESE, by sixth Central."_

"I'll be right there." He hung up on his idiot friend. "Human, let's go. We're 10 minutes away from sixth Central Avenue. Hurry."

"Why are you bringing me!?" I complained, "I don't want to deal with your stupid friend's drama. He tried to kill me!"

He didn't respond, but walked my way and pulled the covers off me. I tried to cover myself but the demon dragged me to a chair. He pulled my loose brown hair into a low ponytail with just enough hair left to cover my ears.

"Gross," he muttered, repulsed.

"What's gross?" I asked. I know I hadn't showered yet, but I still couldn't stink _that_ badly.

"Your ears are gross."

"Your ears are gross!" I screamed, covering my ears. My ears where a bit small, but I guess by demonic standards they were 'gross.' For some unknown reason I was hurt by his comment. It made me feel extremely self-conscious and much more eager to get home.

"My ears are sexy," He answered with a smirk, "Have you ever considered cosmetic surgery? No, that won't work. Even the best plastic surgeons couldn't fix those deformed human ears."

"Conceited much? My ears are normal."

"Maybe for a monkey like you, but we sophisticated evolved folk don't like to see those mutilated wannabe ears sticking from your heads."

"What the hell, you're such a bigot!" I shouted, "I don't sit here complaining about your tail!"

"That's because you're inferior and you're realising it."

"You're inferior!"

He laughed, "I know humans aren't smart, but can't you think of a better insult? I'm a bit disappointed."

"Don't you get shit on your tail? You know, since it's so close to your bum." I half insulted, half questioned.

Paying me no mind, he strutted to the closet and found some clothing he had bought for me, a blouse and a skirt. He pulled off my nightgown, exposing my undergarments. I blushed as I struggled to escape his grip but, in response, he wrapped his warm hand around my upper waist. Satan saw my embarrassment, but the insensitive jerk didn't care.

I blubbered, "What are you doing!? I can put on clothes myself. Let go!"

Paying me no attention, he continued to dress me. He pulled me to the bathroom, grabbed some "Clean Breeze" disinfectant and sprayed it on me. He threw shoes at me and he ran off to get dressed.

"Put on your makeup." He commanded and ran to his room.

I looked in front of me. Seeing various forms and shades of foundation, I chose the closet one to my skin tone. The makeup still didn't match, but it was passable. Satan ran back in. He grabbed the foundation two shades darker than the one I wore and smeared it on his eye bags. He looked me up and down and grabbed some mascara.

"If this is an emergency, why are we wasting time putting on makeup?" I asked.

"I _cannot _go outside without makeup," He said, like a true metrosexual, "We'll probably end up on camera at some point, and I cannot be seen with a dirty human in its natural form." Before I could fully register the insult, he grabbed my face and forcibly applied a light coating of mascara and put some lip-gloss on me. Looking in the mirror, I saw I looked fabulous, a sharp contrast from my usual.

"You know what, Satan. Thank you."

"That's a favour," He grumbled. I couldn't believe this. Everything's a favour. I'm already down to 8 and it's only been a month. After registering the implications, I gulped. He's trying to get me to use them so he can kill me. Chills raced through my spine. I was going to die here and I couldn't do anything about it. Bitter, hateful tears started to form in my eyes as I thought of how soon my inevitable death would be. He would never let me go I would die here. I will die by his hand. The same man I had begun to _appreciate_ somewhat. He'll kill me. I couldn't escape it. Everything they taught us in exorcist school was useless against him. I'll never see Shiro or my mom again. I'm going to die, alone in a foreign land with no friends or family. In fact, they probably thought I was already dead. I'm going to die; he'll burn me alive. Oh God, what did I get myself into? I'm going to-

I heard Satan calling me, returning me from my thoughts. I turned to him as he straightened his tie and grabbed my small hand. His hand was warm. We sprinted through the hall, out of the majestic building, and down to the road outside. He made a phone call and a limousine appeared in front of us after a short time. Sometimes I forget this idiot's a big shot. After a short ride, we appeared in front of a fancy motel. Who am I kidding; it was a ghetto crack den. Well, at least it probably looked _better_ before the arson.

Burgundy Police cars flooded the scene. Satan flinched as the sirens became louder and his grip on my palm tightened. Many demons covered their ears from the siren's noise. Undeterred, Satan pulled me through the crowd. Water demons crowded the last remaining entrance, males and females. Together they conjured water from the humid air and sent it flying towards the burning building. Water manipulation looked like a much more disciplined demonic art than Satan and his friend's fire powers. It must take years of training to master a free-form yet precise technique of that kind.

Satan bit his lip, dug his claws into my palm, and let go of my hand.

"Stay here." He commanded, but with a hint of excitement in his voice. Anyone could tell from looking at him. He was going to enjoy this and things were going to get crazy.

He ran to the crowd and growled, "Move."

They started to argue, but realised who he was. The crowd dissipated as he parted the red sea of flames and ran into the entrance.

* * *

Satan ran through the halls of the flaming motel, checking each room for the blonde fire elemental. The smoke clouded the entire building, burning his eyes and his throat. He hadn't been in action for a few decades, and it was the most excitement he had in the past 100 years. He searched each room, yelling his friend's name. The exhilarating flames sent waves of pleasure through the fiery man as he ran through the building. He felt invincible. Like nothing could stop him. As if he were a god. The feeling of the raging inferno was second only to the sensation he got when he burnt the god-blessed humans. The thought of roasting humans made him remember the human female he had in his possession. He chuckled a bit at the thought of his pet. How he wished with all his demon heart that he could mutilate and burn it to ashes. However, the god-blessed contract denied him the pleasure. Imagining its pained shrieks made his ears twitch in delight.

He sighed at the depressing idea. He wouldn't be able to kill it soon enough. The speckled human girl was bad news for him; it would ruin him.

Getting back to the task, he continued his search. Although he hadn't found Ifrit yet, he found a source of brief enjoyment in the form of a crowd of 'guppies' crowded in a corner crying and screaming for help. Ignorant to the true workings of the cruel world they were born into, they grew hopeful upon seeing their lord.

The youngest water demon, a brunette child, made eye contact with Satan.

The child saw the fire reflected in his blue, sadistic eyes and retreated to the corner in fear.

Satan turned to the child and asked, "Have you seen a blonde man around here?"

The child didn't respond to the question, instead, he just backed up even further.

Satan first thought to bypass the water-elemental grade school students completely and continue his search for Ifrit. However, after the child refused to answer him, he decided it might be best to teach them a lesson. He growled and walked to the children, his flames conquering the surrounding blaze, turning the red to a much more terrifying blue.

**Gore! Skip to next bold **

With an unvoiced thought, the flames started to blister the children's soft flesh. The intensity of the notorious flames was much less than usual, since the intention was a long torturous death, not a quick one. It was a sort of game for him; the demon king would see how long he could keep them alive with the greatest pain. If he could beat his old record, he'd take himself out to dinner. After all these years he's been alive, it was a routine, a standard practice. Besides, Satan would be the first to admit it. He loved making messes. Especially out of the flesh and bone of his enemies. The scent of burning flesh was nearly orgasmic to him. He could do it all day.

His thoughts wandered back to his human. How he wished to spill its blood all over the dungeon floor, burn it while it begged for mercy, and feed the corpse to his cat sith, Crinkles. He imagined the pain in its eyes. It'd use its last pass; he'd smirk and take it to the dungeon. They'd share a last coffee as he watched its suspicion. He'd kiss its lips, wait until it put its guard down, and strike. He'd grab it by its neck and throw it against the wall, not hard enough to break it, but hard enough to terrify it. Tears would flow from its eyes as he secured it in chains. It'd scream of betrayal as it begged for compassion and the rest was best left unplanned. Unexpected events are half the fun, after all.

He licked his fangs with a renewed passion for the kill.

Pink peeling skin started to appear on their faces. Eyelids fried, causing the eyelashes to stick to their eyeballs. Burning hair stuck to their now cracked and leathery skin. After reducing their faces to a charred black disaster, he moved on to other areas of their bodies. He strengthened his flames when he noticed the children starting to go into shock. He would make them suffer for as long as he could. The infamous blue flames fried the remaining skin before the children became unresponsive. As he snuffed his flames, the demon king sneered with displeasure. Children couldn't nearly withstand the same damage he could inflict on adults. He wouldn't get to go to his favourite Indian restaurant. He breathed in the scent of their flesh as he walked to the children.

Upon hearing a whimper, he softly kicked one to see if she was still alive. When the child greeted him with a grunt, his ears twitched in delight. He lifted the young girl by her dark hair and looked at the damage. One side of her face essentially melted and he had no idea how the girl survived. Despite his first instinct to finish what he started, he decided to let her live. 'Water demons were notorious for their practically magical healing abilities,' He thought. She would serve as an example to the water demons. He smirked as he brought her to a nearby window and dropped her. He sighed. Their tortured screams were music to his ears, even for the short moments before he realised what he was doing there in the first place. He sighed, taking in one last whiff of the saccharine burning flesh as he continued to search for Ifrit.

**End Gore **********

Finally, he reached the fifth room on the second floor where he saw the source of the fire and an intoxicated blonde trying to escape. He waved his hand, took control of the flames, and put them out. He kneeled to his burnt, crawling friend.

"Ifrit. Are you-?"

"Alright? Gehenna no." He coughed, "Why didn't you put all the flames out?"

"…I always hated this motel."

"Me too, bud, me too." Ifrit fell unconscious on the burnt cedar floor. Satan looked at his surroundings, and upon seeing the trail of blood leading to the blonde, thought it would be best if he saw a doctor. The demon lord grabbed his 'Bud' and jumped out the window. He landed incorrectly and hissed like a panther. His ankle bent in ways it probably shouldn't have as he thought 'I need to stop copying those blessed human action movies… They make it look so easy.'

The team of water demons looked at the two fire elementals and back to the motel. They still couldn't quell the flames the drunken Ifrit had started. A stupid joke had caused the disaster happening in front of them. As the building showed signs of collapse, the aquatically inclined devils gave up.

* * *

"What's going on?" I asked. No one would answer my questions. I ran to the frontlines where I heard children screaming for help. I ran to the nearest firefighter, "Why aren't you doing anything!? There are children in there!" Suddenly, the screams stopped.

Flipping her blue hair, the demon scoffed, "Piss off, scum."

"What is wrong with you demons!?" I screeched. I ran to the doorway, but the heat was too intense. Satan appeared behind me with the blonde over his shoulder.

"Let's go, I've gotten Ifrit."

"Satan! Please go get those children! They'll die!" I pleaded.

"Let's go, I've gotten Ifrit." His monotone voice showed his lack of interest. He reached for my hand, but I pulled back.

"Please." I begged.

"Let's go."

"But-"

"Do you want me to retrieve their corpses?" He snapped, baring his potentially deadly fangs.

"They're…dead?" I gulped. A slight smirk appeared on the demon king's face, leading me to question just _what_ happened in there. "Wait. What happened?"

"It's nothing of any importance."

"Don't lie to me."

"Just who do you think you are? Why wouldn't I lie to you, a worthless human? I should have never wasted my time, have fun on your own," Satan started to walk away, leaving me. He disappeared behind a turn as I realised just how much his words hurt me. Satan, the king of demons and the ultimate evil, should not be able to get under my skin. I didn't know what to do. I didn't understand what was happening in my brain. The gravity of the situation hit me as I realised Satan abandoned me in an unfamiliar land. The surrounding demons started walking away from the building as the news of collapse approached. I followed, fearing for my own safety. The building collapsed not 10 minutes after everyone left the scene.

Emergency vehicles started to appear and they began to tend to the wounded. Destroyed construction materials impaled the few demons retrieved from the ruins. Tears started to form, but the flash of a camera interrupted my thoughts. Paparazzi surrounded the carnage, taking photos.

"Hey guys! There's a human!" One shouted and they quickly surrounded me.

"What happened?"

"How'd the fire start?"

"Was it arson?"

"Or an exorcist attack?"

They bombarded me with questions and I tried to run from the devils.

"The human did it!" Someone shouted. "It set the fire! It killed all those innocent people!"

"No way! A human girl couldn't actually kill all those people!" A woman shouted back.

"It must have had an accomplice."

"So? It's still responsible."

"You filthy human scum! How could you do that?"

"You know they're just deformed apes, it probably didn't even realise what it was doing."

"I don't care, look at all those people it killed!"

"They were all worthless mobsters or teen moms. Who else goes to a ghetto motel like this?"

A busty brunette woman looked at me with hatred. The others had anger, but she was different. The demons sensed it too and backed away, deciding to leave the kill to the furious demon woman.

She screeched, "You killed my children! You human!"

"What children? I didn't do anything." I whimpered.

* * *

Satan took a seat in the emergency room, head in his hands. They rushed Ifrit in, bypassing all the plebeians. The citizens were infuriated. Some fatally wounded with serious burns to treat. A vomiting noble with a bullet wound didn't seem like an emergency to them, especially since the poor just slept it off. They'd go out for some drinks, get pissed, pick a fight, get shot, and live to tell the tale. And that was the _good_ nights.

Satan felt the populace's glares and criticism without looking from his dirt covered hands. He stood, brushing off some dirt and went to find the young exorcist. It was quickly becoming some sort of hobby for the emperor and it terrified him. He would have to end their game soon before it didn't end his way. He was starting to get attached and, he'd admit, he'd miss her presence. He straightened his posture and walked out of the hospital. It seemed Satan was a bit malnourished, since the healing exhausted him. He called his chauffeur to get him.

Upon arrival he, being the coldblooded demon he is, immediately thought to watch the soon to be murder, but he realised who it was. Amused, he wondered to himself what his pet had gotten itself into. He stretched his arms and listened to the conversation, trying to decide when to interfere.

A vicious looking brunette demon walked towards his human, making his tail stiffen. His tail hugged his torso and the fur plume at the tip stood, tickling his nipple.

"You killed my children! You human!" She hissed the last word.

Her tone meant he'd have to act soon, but he was waiting. He tapped his thigh with his nail.

"What children? I didn't do anything." His pet snivelled.

A wicked smirk appeared upon Satan's face as he prepared for a gruesome fight. Although he wasn't in the best condition to fight with that ankle of his, dealing with a simple water demon wouldn't be a hard fight. It might get messy, and a bit wet, but he had the fight in the bag.

The demon mother moved closer to it, grabbed his human's hair, and pulled it to her face. She looked it in the eyes and sneered. Placing her free hand on her chin, she looked to be wondering how to kill the human. The dark haired woman's grin grew larger when she finally determined how to punish the inferior being. She performed a spell of sorts and the surrounding air's water vapour materialised. The brown-haired woman formed the water into an intricate ice broadsword. It seemed to Satan the woman wanted to show off, seeing as a mere kitchen knife is more than enough to kill a pathetic human female.

Satan started to move towards his pet. _He _was the only one permitted to harm his pet.

"Stop, you ocean whore."

"Who the heck just called me a fuckin' ocean whore? I'll kill ya." She shouted, swinging to face the demon king.

"Put the sword down before someone gets hurt," Satan said. He felt obligated to offer the stupid woman a chance to back down, but he _was_ hoping for a fight.

"Never. I don't care who you is, if you willin' to defend this tailless monkey, you might as well be one."

The air thickened in a cliché but accurate manner. Satan, also deciding to show off, summoned a jewel-encrusted rapier and snarled, "_Did you just call me a human?_"

"O' course I did, ya blessed vagina."

He laughed and joked, "Well, I'll go easy on you since I can tell _you_ have a holy _fishy_ vagina."

The two charged towards each other. The woman swung her sword at the man, but he countered and, noticing an open spot in her defence, kicked her across the yard. She bit her tongue to stop a scream as she landed. Trying not to show weakness, she stood again and coughed up some blood. She reached for her sword, which was now on the ground, as she saw Satan run at her. Bracing herself, she remembered how she and her friends would play baseball as children. She closed her eyes and waited for the right moment. She swung her sword like a baseball bat as Satan came into reach.

The demon king extended an arm, stopping the sword with his hand. With his spare hand, he gripped his rapier tightly and chuckled. The woman, now fearful for her life, released the sword and readied herself for the oncoming attack. Satan circled her like a predator. He lunged at her with the rapier and, as she dodged, caused flames to surround the woman. She panicked and tried to run, but she couldn't escape. She was, in Satan's mind, a minnow trapped in a cage. Satan looked back, and, upon seeing the people's stares, decided to end this. He walked closer to her and thrust his sword into her upper chest. Her consciousness faded and she joined her children in death.

Satan walked to the human girl and grabbed its arm. It looked at him with shock and fear in its lovely blue-green eyes and its long eyelashes fluttered like a moth as it blinked. Its pink lips opened slightly, showing its blunt white teeth, as it started to say something. He gripped its arm tightly, causing it to gasp. He took that moment to address the crowd,

"Citizens of Gehenna, this tragedy will not go unnoticed. We will find who caused the disaster and they _will _atone for their crimes against public order."

With that said he began to drag the human to the curb, where the same limousine from earlier awaited them. He opened the door and shoved it inside. He quickly got in as well and told the driver to go straight to the palace.

"Satan," His pet whispered his name.

"What is it?" He said, equally quietly.

"Why did you save me?" It asked, as if the answer wasn't obvious.

"Why do you think? Don't you remember? You're my pet. I can't let someone else kill you." He answered as he scooted closer to her. Sensing the human's discomfort and fear, he put his hand on her head and smoothed her hair. The female's wet lips seemed soft and inviting. He leant in closer to her face and looked at her. From her eyes to her polka dot-like moles, she was as perfect as a human could get. A human, he remembered. It was a human. He leant back and moved a bit away with the realisation he had nearly kissed a human. He was attracted to a beast. 'She's, no, It's a human,' he thought. People aren't supposed to feel this way towards animals. It was sick and twisted, immoral and unnatural, bizarre and freakish, but also rare. He thought of all the times he'd vetoed bills to allow demon-human relations with guilt. Those activists had the courage to do what he could not.

"Satan," The way she said his name wasn't helping his predicament.

"Yes, human."

"What… was that for?" Her cheeks had a pink tint to them as she thought of the demon's previous actions.

"…" He didn't know what to say. What _was_ that for? He didn't know.

"Don't worry about it," he said.

She didn't respond.

* * *

***Later that day***

Satan paced in his room, obviously distraught. He was infatuated with a human.-A human who would never feel the same for him. After all, a human is much more likely to love another human than a demon. It was natural. A frown formed on the demon king's face. If only she were a demon, if only he were a human. He shook his head at the thought of being a human. That was stupid. Who would want to be a human?

He would.

He kicked his desk chair over with a growl. He couldn't stop thinking of her. He wanted her next to him. He wanted to tell her how he felt. He wanted to hold her hands, to hold her, to kiss her. He blushed at the thought. How could he be so nervous around a human girl? She would be nearly perfect, if not for her humanity.

'Not she, it,' he mentally corrected himself. Humans aren't people. Humans are monsters. All humans, except for his…

His thoughts were completely focused on his human. These romantic 'fuzzy' feelings just weren't going to work for the demon king. Instead, he would again visualise her death. He sat down on his bed with a smile. Yes, he would kill her. He would murder her and end these feelings. But now, he would attempt to get some work done.

***Some paperwork later***

Satan sat at his desk as he opened his diary to the next page.

"Dear Kevin,

I'm so sorry. I nearly cheated on you today with my human. I wish I could say it will never occur again, but I contemplate it all the time. For that reason, I think we should break up. I don't mean to hurt you, love, but I can't help it. I know you, Kevin. You've been losing interest in me for a while now. No one, not even my human, will ever replace you, if that is any consolation. You're the only one I trust. I will continue to write to you daily, as your friend.

If you wish to know how my day went, continue reading.

Many things happened today. First, Ifrit called me…"

* * *

***Extra Scene: Rainy Days***

I sat on my purple blankets. The bed was comfortable, the décor was gorgeous, but the room felt strange. Maybe it was the knowledge that Satan probably murdered someone in here at some point or perhaps it was the antiquity of the building. Either way, the current stormy weather was not helping me to relax. I kicked my feet back and forth, trying to distract myself. My thoughts drifted off.

Satan had been acting different recently. He had gone from dismissive and irritated to playful and kind, well, at least for him. And today was especially strange. Not only had he taken me outside, he seemed to take offence to my displeasure. The ride home was even stranger. He starred at me, petted me, and looked ready to kiss me. I blushed at the thought.

'I wonder what stopped him.'

Now that I thought about it, he seemed happier now and he wouldn't leave me alone. He bought me clothes and made sure the chefs made food I would eat. For a prisoner, he treated me quite nicely. What reason did he have for that?

The rain stopped.

I yawned, "Finally."

I laid down and went to sleep.

Satan walked down the hall and towards the dungeon. He wanted to get something to drink. Rainy days were perfect for hot chocolate and other warm drinks.

The new barista, a redhead woman, greeted him.

Satan placed his order, "Two small hot chocolates."

She nodded.

He shifted uncomfortably. The silence was almost unbearable.

"So. How's your…day going?"

"Good."

"…."

She handed him the drinks and excused herself.

'Well, that was weird,' he thought. Shrugging, he made his way to his human's room.

He opened the door and said, "Human, I brought you some hot chocolate."

The girl didn't reply. Curious, Satan walked up to her and found her asleep. She was... adorable. He placed the drinks on the nightstand and sat next to her. "This infatuation of his was getting troublesome," he thought as he started braiding her loose hair. He brought the braid up to his nose and smelled her hair.

"Hmmmm..." He purred.

This infatuation was very troublesome. He needed to end this soon. He finished braiding her soft hair, grabbed the drinks and stood up.

He shook his head and quickly turned around, seeing himself out. He handed the drinks to a pair of servants and went to bed.

* * *

End chapter 2

Review, please… for Kevin. Poor guy's just been broken up with *wipes tear from one eye* and through a letter, too. That's like a more formal breakup text.

And if you want to request an extra scene, go ahead. I'll probably do it since no one will probably read this. :)


	3. Sunday is Gloomy

Chapter 3: Sunday is Gloomy

I was confused.

A week had passed since the arson and it was now March. Satan had avoided me for the past week. Anytime he saw me, he ran off, and, even during the times he had to be near me, he would never make eye contact. He barely spoke and God forbid we bumped into each other. He wouldn't even come to eat when I did. He would quickly make some toast and run off to his office, mumbling something about having 'much work to do' under his breath.

It was a Sunday, the first Sunday in March. Normally, spring is my favourite season, but in this part of Gehenna, spring was _hell_. Because of the weather, the palace staff took vacation every March.

Another strange thing, Satan wasn't taking vacation.

The rest of the region was taking vacation but Satan was working harder than ever. He was constantly working, locked in his office from dusk till dawn. Maybe there's something wrong with him, he did seem more depressed than usual. Maybe I would go check on him.

No, that's stupid. I don't care if he's depressed or whatever. He's my kidnapper and the enemy of humankind. Besides, he's probably faking it to make me feel bad for him… No. He has too much pride. I'll go.

I opened my door and walked through the labyrinthine corridors until I came to the grand staircase. Lifting my long silk skirt, I walked up the stairs. I looked around until I found his office. It was in a secluded, easily overlooked part of the palace. Perfect for pretending to do work.

Knocking on the door, I shouted, "Satan, are you okay?"

"…Go away," he mumbled.

Sighing, I walked into his office. Papers were stacked in huge piles on the floor, ancient scrolls were thrown in a corner, and a computer sat on a desk. The chair from the desk was being used as a table for nachos and Satan sat on a sofa, watching 'The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.' He turned his head to me and I saw that he looked extremely dishevelled. His eyes were swollen and red, as if he'd been crying, his black hair was knotted and tangled, and, to finish it off, scraggly stubble grew on his face. For a man who cared about his appearance so much, it was shocking.

"Go away, I'm...working," He said with an empty look in his blue eyes.

"You're watching The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. How is that work?" I questioned.

"I'm observing human culture," He lied, unashamed.

I walked up to him and, when I attempted to snatch the remote, he grabbed my arm. His nails dug into my skin, causing me to flinch. He quickly let go, as if he cared that he hurt me.

"Human," he started as he motioned towards the chair, "Sit." He pushed the nachos off the chair, spilling cheese all over the rug, and continued to point towards it. "Sit," He repeated.

I sat down, as requested. Turning to face him, I asked, "Are you okay?"

He didn't respond, instead he pretended to ignore me as he turned up the sound.

"Can you answer some questions?" I asked. I was almost sure my diagnosis was correct, but I didn't specialise in mental health.

"…"

Deciding to take his silence as a 'yes', I asked, "Are you sad?"

"…."

"Do you feel hopeless?"

"…."

"Are you tired, even when you get sleep?"

"…."

"Have you thought about ending your life?"

"…"

"I think you're depressed. And after you make an appointment with the psychiatrist, make an appointment at the hair salon. You look terrible."

"Thanks…"

"Sorry. Wanna talk about it?"

"No."

"It's good to talk about your feelings. What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Satan, you can talk to me. I'm a doctor. Not a head doctor, an exorcist doctor, but I can help a bit."

He sat up, crossed his arms, and sighed, "Fine. I've been binge watching human sitcoms because I'm sad."

"…okay?"

"And I'm sad for different reasons."

"What reasons?"

"All I've been able to eat since my chefs went on vacation is toast and nachos, my friends are gone, and you're still alive."

"Care to explain?"

"The only things I know how to cook are toast and nachos. Now I'm sick of toast and nachos. Don't try making a nacho sandwich. It doesn't work out. Ifrit's in Assiah smuggling drugs, Damien's been in prison for two centuries, and Alvin and I haven't talked since the Great Drought. And you…bother me."

"I can cook, I don't know who Damien and Alvin are, and why?"

"Of course you wouldn't. I haven't talked to them since the 18th century. And you complicate things."

"So you're just hungry, lonely, and murderous?"

"No," He said, sitting up, "Meet me in the dungeon."

I nodded, a bit frightened. He couldn't kill me yet, I reassured myself. I still had eight favours left.

The blue-eyed demon stood and walked out, leaving me alone in his office.

Satan walked to his bathroom. Looking in the mirror, he sighed. When was the last time he felt this way? Picking up the razor, he looked at his face. He looked much older with facial hair, a large contrast from his perpetual young adult state. He slid the razor down his face.

When was the last time he felt this way? Was it Lucifer's mother, Estelle? That was over a thousand years ago…

The human was no Estelle. It seemed like a downgrade. Going from a gorgeous woman to a human, but now he was going to confess his feelings to his human. But how? He had the perfect idea.

He walked to the dungeon with a newfound confidence.

I waited outside the café-dungeon. I really didn't want to walk in there alone. What if he snuck up on me? Or, even worse, what if the spirits of my fallen comrades were inside? I shuddered. They probably hated me for abandoning them. Wouldn't true comrades die for each other? They suffered an agonizing death and here I was, alive. We were a team and I let them down. Even worse, I may have befriended their murderer. And it hurt. It's true what they say; Guilt really is the worst feeling.

'Kanae, Hideki…I'm so sorry, but the truth is, I care more about Satan than I ever cared for you.' I thought as a few tears surfaced. I quickly wiped them away. I couldn't change anything. It was in the past.

Shaking my head, I decided to turn my attention elsewhere. Satan sure was taking his time. I tapped my foot on the ground with anxiety. Was he going to kill me? Or are we just drinking coffee? God, this man was so confusing! Is he going to kill me or not? Ehh, I'd better pray anyways. Putting my hands together, I lowered my head in prayer.

"_Even when I walk  
through the dark valley of death,  
I will not be afraid,  
for you are close beside me. _

_Surely, your goodness and unfailing love  
will pursue me all the days of my life,  
and I will live in the house of the Lord forever. Amen_"

Realising I forgot over half the verse, I hit my head and groaned, "Urgh."

"Urgh?"

Satan's voice came from right behind me. Terrified, I jumped away from him, screaming, "Oh God!"

He stared at me and asked, "Is the 'Urgh' really a part of that curse?"

"Of course not! I was just frustrated that I forgot most of the verse," I attempted to explain, but one look at his face showed that he didn't believe me.

"Humans are strange," He started, "With their shepherd god and zombie saviour."

"Demons are strange," I said with a frown, "With their sex goddess and moon gods. And, besides, not all humans are Christians. There are a lot of different religions, like Shintoism and Buddhi-"

"I don't care. It's all the same, humans worshiping humans or human-like creatures. I don't have time for that."

I frowned. "What about Satanists? They worship you."

"And? They're still humans."

"You're so..Urgh! How can you be so hateful?"

"How can _you_ be so hateful? If I recall, you are an exorcist."

"Yes, but-"

"But nothing," He glared, "Humans kill our kind, we kill them. We've been locked into this cycle for eternity; so long we can't remember the real reason. To avenge our fallen brethren, we kill your kind. I imagine humans exorcise us for similar reasons."

"Satan…"

"That is why I hate your kind."

Without another word, he grabbed my arm and pulled me inside the café.

Satan walked with his human into the café dungeon, his favourite room, and directed the human to sit on a chair. Unlike the first time they'd been here, he hadn't thrown her on the chair. He sat opposite from her and crossed his legs. The silence was threatening to the demon and Satan tried to break it by getting coffee.

Two cups of coffee in hand, he asked, "Human. Would you like some coffee?"

"That would be nice," The exorcist said. He placed the hot beverage in front of her on the circular table.

"Your name is Yuri, correct?"

The human nodded, her blue-green eyes staring directly into his, awaiting his next words.

"Yuri, I was thinking that you should attend a party with me," He said. Truth be told, there was no party. At least, not yet. However, he would schedule a party, a family reunion. He'd get all his sons; introduce them to his human because, after all, his family was less likely to judge him too badly for this.

She raised her left eyebrow at him as she took a sip, "Why do you want me to go?"

"I have no one else to take," He looked down, checking his long nails for any imperfections, "And I figured you had nothing better to do. It's nothing too grand. Just a family get together."

"Why don't you just go alone?"

"Everyone is bringing their wives and girlfriends so-"

"You're bringing your pet human."

"Yuri, you may be a human, but I've grown to appreciate your company quite a bit. I feel as if you're a great companion and I think I may have feelings for you."

His human's eyes lit up as she came to some sort of conclusion. "That's why you were avoiding me. You like me…"

Shame in his eyes, he said, "Unfortunately."

"What's that supposed to mean? 'Unfortunately?' Is it because I'm human?" The human, Yuri, shouted.

"Of course. Your humanity complicates things. If you were a normal person, I'd just ask you out for dinner and an opera. But you're a human."

"And?"

"Most establishments forbid animals. When was the last time you saw someone take a hobgoblin to dinner?" Although he knew his statement would offend, it was the truth. The world wouldn't see that she was practically a person. They would only see an animal, a monster. "Imagine the scandal."

"So, I'm just an animal?" She shouted, head down and hands clenching her skirt. "A hobgoblin, huh?" Her voice cracked.

Okay, maybe he shouldn't have likened his darling to a smelly pet, but Satan persisted. He picked his words carefully, "No. Not to me. You're not like the other humans."

"Oh, so now all my family and friends are animals but I'm 'different?' I hate you!" She shouted.

"Calm down, if you care for them, they can't be too bad."

He reached toward her face, lifting her chin. Seeing tears run down her lovely face, he frowned. He hadn't meant to make her cry. She had always seemed stronger than this, less sensitive. Realising it pained him to see her like this; he knew it would be better if she were dead. Then he wouldn't have to worry about his feelings or the criticism he was sure to receive if anyone found out. He stood and walked to her as he thought of all his plans to kill her. He would make it quick, he decided. He couldn't go through with it if he saw her in pain. Grabbing her hand, he gently pulled her up. He wiped her tears and embraced the crying girl. She was naïve. She should have known better than to get so close to him. She should have known it would end like this. Just as Satan should have known it wouldn't be easy.

"Satan," She whispered, gripping his shoulders tightly, "I love you."

Gehenna, did he feel guilty. He could feel her slowly relax in his arms, feel her breath on his neck and he knew he couldn't do it. He sighed and released his grip on her. It was too late. He'd already grown attached. Killing her with his current infatuation would just make him feel worse. Shame was nothing compared to guilt and regret. Either way, Yuri had already ruined him. He could kill her and bear the guilt, or he could let her live and continue feeling the shame and disgust his love for her caused. Weighing the benefits with the negatives, he made his choice.

"I love you as well, human."

The brown-haired woman's cheeks turned a tinted pink, as Satan placed his hand at her waist and pulled her closer. His tail was out before he noticed, wrapping around her figure. Satan blushed at his exposed appendage causing the human to giggle. His human rested against his chest as he bent his head down and looked at her face. Her eyes were strikingly beautiful. He lent in closer causing her to close her eyes, depriving him of their oceanic colour. He felt her cool breath on his neck as she exhaled. He lent closer, their lips brushing. Yuri's eyes opened with a flutter of lashes and she looked at the demon king with expectation. Giving in, Satan quickly kissed her. Coal tars formed in his stomach from the anxiety and awkwardness of a first kiss with someone new. He ended the kiss, released her, and backed away.

'There's no turning back now.'

Satan sat at his desk, pen in hand. It was that time again.

"Dear Kevin,

Today was eventful. I wish you could meet her, my human. You two would get along so well, since you are half-human. You were the most demonic half-human I've ever met. You of all people should understand that occasionally, once a millennia, a human will be a decent person. It's as if she's a demon in a human's body. It's a shame; she would've been so beautiful…  
I apologize for ranting about my human. Nevertheless, I'll get you over here. You need to meet her. At first, I thought that it was impossible for you two to meet, but now I see it won't be too hard. I'll just fly over and…"

Satan moved his hand to turn the page, but saw only the faded leather back cover. His eyes widened as he stood, knocking his chair down, in a panic.

"This is impossible. There's no way. I can't run out of paper."

He would have to go and tell him about his day in person…

Satan grabbed his black trench coat and ran out the door, desperate to tell Kevin about his day.

Ifrit sat on an Assian street. Where was he? A place the humans called 'Tokyo.' What was he doing there? He didn't know.

"Hey," A white haired human male said.

Surprised, Ifrit responded, "Are you the guy who wanted the coke?"

Ifrit looked at the human. He was wearing a black trench coat and crosses of various sizes. Shit, an exorcist.

The man reached for a gun he had in his pocket and said, "Nope."

"Who are you?" Ifrit growled. He'd already been shot once this year. Not happening again.

The man pulled out his badge, "Shiro Fujimoto, the paladin. Now put your hands in the air."

Slowly putting his hands in the air, Ifrit smirked and said, "All right, Mr. Paladin, but I'm just letting you know in advance, I have connections. To big people. And if you don't want to die, you'll pretend I was never here. "

Shiro grabbed his gun and put it against the demon's neck, "If you don't want to die, you'll cooperate."

"Screw you man, try and shoot me. My bud's gonna burn your pussy ass to ash. If I don't first, that is." Ifrit glared.

A group of humans in similar black trench coats ran towards the men.

"On second thought, I'll cooperate."

Extra Scene: Cooking Class

"Yuri, this is _not _a good idea."

"Come on, what's the worst that could happen?"

Yuri had decided to teach Satan how to cook. She pushed the resistant demon into the kitchen and looked in the fridge. The fridge was full of various ingredients, but they looked odd. The human grabbed what appeared to be a carrot-like vegetable.

"What's this?" She asked.

Satan shrugged in response. "Perhaps a Daucus?"

"What even is that?" The human mumbled. Nevertheless, she set the strange vegetable aside. She continued looking around until she saw some tortilla-like flatbread. Maybe wraps would be a good idea. She picked a variety of strange vegetables and set them aside. Now the meat… Where was it?

"There's no meat…" Yuri frowned.

"I'm a vegetarian."

"Really? Hmm, I never knew that," She said, closing the fridge. She quickly grabbed a knife. "Satan, come here."

The demon came closer, still apprehensive. The human girl handed him the knife and instructed him to cut the courgette-like squash into strips. Satan grabbed the knife as if he were to stab someone and thrust it into the squash.

"Woah! Be careful!" Yuri shouted, backing away.

Satan continued stabbing the squash as he turned his head to face her and mumbled, "I am being careful."

A loud crunch filled the kitchen and Satan started yelling.

"Oh my God, you cut your finger off!"

"I think I know that, thank you very much!" Satan shouted in pain.

Yuri grabbed a napkin and held it on Satan's stump of a finger. She looked at her sort-of-boyfriend with concern. Satan hissed as she applied pressure to the wound. She could see him bit his lip and clench his uninjured hand.

"Keep applying pressure, okay?" She instructed as she ran to the freezer to grab ice. She put the ice in a plastic bag and wrapped it in another napkin. She put the severed finger on the ice and said, "Now, raise your hand above your heart."

"Human, I should be fine," The blue-eyed demon quickly regained his composure.

"What are you talking about? Your finger! We have to get you to a hospital!"

"I'm not a human. It'll just grow back," He explained. He held the finger out for her to see, "Look, it's already growing back. I'll be fine."

The human blushed. How could she have forgotten that demons regenerate? She felt like an idiot.

Satan turned back to the bloody vegetables, "Should I wash them?"

"No, that's just gross."

"Then what are we going to eat?"

"Can we get takeout?"

"Why don't we go to a restaurant?"

"Okay."

Satan smirked, "Well, you see, there's a great Indian restaurant nearby…"

'That smirk…' She thought.

"Wait, don't tell me you planned this!"

"What are you talking about, why would I ever do such a thing?" He lied.

"You! I was so worried and you- ugh!" Yuri shouted and ran out of the kitchen, furious.

Satan stared at his now perfectly fine finger and yelled, "So are we going or not?"

¡Hola, mis lectores!

Thanks for reading this particularly short instalment. I am once again plagued by the torments of school, so chapters may be shorter-ish for a while. Well, this is still damn long compared to other fanfictions…But whatever. You know what they say. They say, "Write 'till the natural break, man. Write 'till the break…"

But, anyways, review/follow/fave if you'd like.


	4. 1 Corinthians 6:18

Christmas Chapter: 1 Corinthians 6:18

* * *

"Human, come here," Satan said, holding out a cup of hot chocolate, "I got drinks."

I grabbed the cup of steaming hot chocolate, grinned, and muttered a "Thanks." We sat in silence as we drank our warm beverages. Satan wore a thick jacket, gloves, and a scarf, which were all black, of course. We sat down on my bed.

"What's with the winter clothes?" I asked him. Wasn't it still March?

Satan smirked and set down his cup on my nightstand, "You're observant… You went into a coma that night. It was terrible. You fell asleep and only just woke up now, 9 months later. You're quite fortunate, seeing as most never wake up from long comas."

"Bullshit," I glared, "My muscles would have atrophied."

"…I forgot you were a doctor," he cleared his throat, "The truth is that Samael sent us to the future to celebrate winter."

I glared.

"We were magically transported to winter….by elves."

"I left popcorn in the microwave too long and it burnt, causing the popcorn Gods to anger. Furious, they sent us to winter, hoping we would die of hypothermia. Carrying your unmoving body, I somehow, managed to find civilization."

"I'm actually Bill Clinton and I played my saxophone so well that I changed the god blessed seasons."

"I'm an astronaut and this is another planet."

I finished my drink and yelled, "Enough! Just tell me what's going on!"

"…I felt like it."

"What?"

"You never get those feelings? The kind where you feel like it _should_ be winter, but it's not. It's overwhelming. You look out to see rain and terrible storms when in your heart… " With each sentence he inched closer to me, until I could feel him breathe "It's winter," into my neck.

I felt my cheeks turn warm and red, "Actually, yes. I've been getting those feelings recently," I admitted, "It's like our world isn't real, and in the real world it's winter."

"…."

We burst out laughing, there's no way that was true. We were being idiots, I figured. There's no way it could be true.

I giggled as I pressed my head against his warm chest. He wrapped an arm around me and gently rubbed my arm. I looked up at his eyes; they were such a striking blue. Just one look at his eyes and you'd be able to tell he wasn't human. But his eyes reflected emotions that I previously thought were limited to humans. I could see love, adoration, and contentedness in his eyes, a stark contrast from the usual anger and fear. I counted his heartbeat as we lie there.

"80," He said.

"Hmm?"

"Your heart rate, it's 80 beats per minute."

"Oh…"I said. Another pocket of silence past as I counted his heartbeats, "Yours is 60."

"Hmmm," he purred as he stuck his face in my hair. He laughed, "You smell like berries."

"You smell like…" I sniffed him, "Oranges?"

"What are oranges?"

I sighed, "Never mind."

My head rested on his neck as he stroked my back with his claws. He picked his head back up and stared at my eyes. Was he thinking about the colour of my eyes, the emotions I openly displayed, or neither? I felt oddly self-conscious as I watched his eyes trail down from my eyes and towards my small breasts. Averting his gaze from my breasts, he moved a hand to my hips and the other to the small of my back. I blushed; I'd never been this intimate with anyone before.

"Yuri," he moaned as he brought his lips closer to mine. I leant in, filling the space between our lips and adding kerosene to this already out of control fire. I felt him reposition his hands to a more comfortable, less grope-y, position as he licked my bottom lip, demanding that we deepen the kiss. I moaned as I opened my lips. He pushed me down, and I now lied flat on the bed with Satan on top of me, holding my hands above my head. He leant down to kiss me again as his free hand pulled up my dress revealing my underwear.

"Umph!" I protested as I pushed him away, pulling my dress down and sitting up, "I'm not ready for that yet."

The irritated and aroused demon sighed and moved away from me. "Okay," he breathed.

I reached out to touch his cheek, "I'm sorry, Satan. I'm just-"

"It's fine. Actually, that would have been a bad decision." He smiled, showcasing his fangs.

"Yeah," I agreed. I'm not on the pill and I don't see any condoms around here. This could have turned out bad, '16 and Pregnant' bad.

"I'm going to go shower, I'm sweating a lot."

"That's what happens when you wear a huge jacket in 25 degree weather," I scolded.

"I was trying to capture the essence of winter," he growled.

I laughed as Satan walked out of my bedroom. I sighed as I went to the bathroom. That was anticlimactic. Oh well.

* * *

So there's the Christmas Instalment. The next chapter is coming soon, very soon. Like, in the next few days soon.

For those of you who aren't obsessed with the Bible, here's KJV 1 Corinthians 6:18

"Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body."


	5. Tuesday's Disquiet

Chapter 4: Tuesday's Disquiet

Satan stood in a graveyard, his black hair and matching trench coat completely saturated in water. His footsteps made squishy noises as he walked on the muddy grass. Shovel in hand, he was ready.

"Kevin…" He sighed as he approached the century old grave. Satan stuck the shovel in the ground and began to dig up his old friend.

* * *

I, on a search for food, stepped into the large kitchen. I searched for food as my stomach growled. Looking in the refrigerator, I realised that it was full of potatoes. As if that wasn't odd enough, a note was in there with the vegetables.

I picked up the note and read aloud,

"_Dearest human Yuri,_

_I have gone out, but I left you with food. I hope you like Assian tuberosums. I'll not be back by tonight so behave; don't try to run away or do anything foolish. I'll be back tomorrow morning with guests so be dressed before eight._

_Yours Truly,_

_Lucien Octavius Satan Aurelius_

_Imperator Reye"_

"Imperator Reye, hmm…" I thought aloud. No matter how many times I hear people address him as 'Lord Satan' or 'His Excellency,' I'll never really see him as the powerful figure he is. He's just too _human_, too normal.

I grabbed a potato from the fridge and resolved to make French fries. I grabbed a peeler and started to peel the potato as I continued to think about Satan.

I cut the potatoes and put them in the fryer. Suddenly, I heard the sound of a large door slamming shut. 'Is Satan back early?' I thought. I finished cooking my fries and headed to where I thought the sound came from, the front door.

I walked to the entrance hall quickly, hoping to find Satan. I heard many masculine voices, but none of which I recognised as his. I was finally at the entrance, but Satan wasn't there. Instead, a group of seven demons stood near the door taking off their jackets. All seven looked strikingly different, but similar at the same time.

A dark-skinned demon with shoulder length curly red wine hair stared at me with fear in his eyes.

"A human?! No way!" The demon said, his shoulders raised and fangs bared, "What's a human doing here?"

"Calm down Iblis," A glasses wearing demon pressed his temple and scoffed, "It's not like it'll hurt you."

"B-but Egyn!" Iblis stuttered and tried to hide behind one of his more intimidating brothers. Judging by their names, these were the demon kings…

"Enough! You're Lord Satan's heir. Grow up already! I'd hate to see this country fail because of you and your idiotic ways."

"You can call him Dad, you know," Iblis frowned as he fidgeted with a plastic bag in his pocket.

"I have no intent of calling a monster like him my father," Egyn growled.

"Egyn, he's not a monster!"

"Easy for you to say, _Imperator Aeres_," Egyn glared at the demon king of fire.

Breaking away from his own conversation, a regal older-looking blonde-haired man stepped in, "Enough. This is no place to be discussing family matters."

"Family matters? I don't have a family," Egyn spit as he grabbed his coat and started for the door, "I refuse to acknowledge a murdering bastard like Satan as my father and I won't acknowledge anyone who defends him! I have nothing more to say to you."

Blue-white hair swaying, Egyn walked out the door and slammed it shut. Silence filled the air as the brothers worried about their father's reaction to the missing water demon. In the silence, I wondered why Egyn called Satan a murderer. Who did Satan kill that was so important to Egyn, king of water?

A green haired demon with a lollipop broke the silence and asked monotonously, "Brothers, can I kill the human?"

No one said anything so a light brown-haired one shrugged his shoulders and said, "Why not?"

"Wait," Everyone turned to a seemingly albino brother, "She has father's scent on her."

"What?" Iblis shouted, "Azazel, this is a joke, right?"

"If it's a joke, it's not funny," A high pitched female whined. She had the voice of a cute princess and dressed like one too, a contrast from her brothers who were all dressed rather casually. She was the true embodiment of "Gothic Lolita" with her black and green hoop-skirt, lacy bolero, and pigtails. She looked the most like Satan with her dark hair and pale skin. The most striking difference besides gender was their eyes. Hers were a deep brown that carried thinly veiled hatred and child-like sadism. A chill went down my spine. She seemed to be the 'Daddy's little villain' type. Although in this case, she might just be worse. "Father would never do something like that!"

"Yeah, the old man hates humans, ya'know?" A dark brown-haired one said as he scratched his dirty scalp.

The elegant blonde walked closer to me and grabbed my hand.

"What are you doing?" I complained as he raised my hand to his nose.

"That's definitely father's scent, but it's a few days old," He muttered as he released my hand. Suddenly he glared at me. Fangs bared, he asked, "Do you know who we are?"

"…The demon kings."

He nodded, "Good, so you know that if you lie to us, we'll make you suffer in the worst ways possible."

I nodded. My life had been threatened enough lately that it really didn't scare me, but why is everyone in this family so murderous?

"Why do you have our father's scent on you?"

I stayed silent. If I told them that three days ago, Satan had professed his love to me they would kill me. But if I stayed silent or lied, they would torture me. Would I rather die or be tortured by a group of demons that, if they were anything like their father, were mentally unstable? The choice was obvious.

"Well, two days ago, Satan told me he loved me and we sort of kissed. Then later he tried to convince me that he angered the popcorn gods and was the American president. Then we may or may not have made out but then he left to shower and find some person named Kevin."

"…"

Once recovered from the initial shock of what I had said, Satan's daughter said, "Lies. _Creda che nos credemos," _She giggled, _"Che endraee'enio._" That must be their native tongue. It sounded very similar to one of those western languages.

"_Non ero fatu, se'ermona_," the elegant blonde said. Switching to Japanese he said, "It's telling the truth. No one knows about Kevin."

"_Tu eses un fatu. Pater no haria hoc. Il no haria tene relaciones sexuales gon una puella de humanidad_," she spoke with a disappointed and jealous tone, "Do you know what you're saying? He's our daddy! This can't be right."

"Maybe he really loves her," Iblis started, blank smile on his face, "Like in the movies where the guy falls in love with an exorcist. Are you an exorcist?"

I nodded.

"Soo…Dad's been watching too many romantic comedies and thought it would be a good idea to engage in bestiality?" The green haired one said calmly while sucking on a lollipop. It was odd seeing a bloodthirsty demon enjoying sweets, but I guess demons are people too.

Skipping towards me, the female demon said in a sickeningly sweet tone, "My name is Beelzebub, Lord of the Flies, it's nice to meet you, human."

"Nice...to meet you, too?"

"Let's play a game! I'll chase you and you try to run! When I catch you, I get to kill you, how about that?" She giggled.

"The hell is wrong with you!?" I exclaimed, how could anyone say something so horrible to someone they didn't even know?

I felt a clawed petite hand slap my cheek and gasped as I flew across the room and hit a vase. The shards of the vase cut into me. I touched my cheek; the stinging pain I felt was a sure sign that this would leave a mark. I looked down at my hands, "covered in glass," I thought as I begun to think of a way to handle this situation.

"Don't yell at me!," She pouted. Beelzebub was a very hostile demoness and I was scared for my life. Suddenly, Iblis ran in front of me.

"Beelzebub, what are you doing?!" Iblis shouted, "Dad will get mad if you hurt her!"

Iblis looked concerned about my well being, most likely because I meant a lot to Satan, but also partly because Iblis was sympathetic to humans.

"And? I just wanna play~! Why won't you let me play with it? Besides, it'll just die eventually. All things die. Then daddy will be sad. Do you really want that for him?"

"N-no, but-"

"Then move!," She pouted, "I wanna kill it."

"No," Iblis said a bit more firmly. He seemed determined to protect me. "She's dad's human. I can't let you hurt her."

The other brothers quickly left the entrance, not wanting to get involved in Iblis and Beelzebub's fight.

"Iblis, move. Move or I'll- I'll fill your room with flies and put maggots in your head!" She was practically throwing a tantrum.

"No!" He shouted, "This human has feelings and dreams and aspirations, too! So what if you want to protect Dad?! All life is precious. Someone's race doesn't change the fact that they're alive and have basic rights! Our family- Our family- We're a bunch of different ethnicities. I'm a fire demon, you're insect demon, older brother is a light demon, ...and Egyn is a water demon. But, in the end, we're all the same. Humans are just like us, sister. They have feelings and you should respect that!"

"Oh please, Iblis," She whined, "Just give it up already. The longer you talk the less time we have to play."

"Dad loves her," Iblis started and turned to me,

She sighed, shook her head, and smirked, "Fine… if you won't let me kill the human, then I'll have to tell Lucifer what you did…"

Beelzebub was what you would get if you took all of Satan's negative qualities and made it into a cute little girl. I have no idea how much of this was planned, but she was definitely trying to manipulate Iblis. Next thing you know she'll be cutting off her finger.

"Don't tell him. He'll kill me…"

"Then let me kill the human," She was grinning; she already knew she'd won.

"You- You planned to do this…" Iblis muttered.

"Nuh-uh! Why would I ever do that?" She lied with a smirk, almost word for word what Satan said right after he cut off his finger.

Iblis didn't respond. He looked at me with remorse and pity in his eyes and mumbled, "Sorry, but I can't let Lucifer know I sold some of his stock in the Illuminati to a human named Jay-Z."

"Jay-Z?" I questioned.

"Yeah. He's a musician. Said he needed to make a deal with the devil to make good music. So I told him that he could make a deal with _a_ devil for stock in the Illuminati and the rights to the triangle hands." Iblis shrugged and made a triangle with his hands. "Well, see ya…or not," He grinned. Iblis walked out of the room, bringing my chances of survival down to 27% at best.

The fire king was scared of his sister and he had every right to be, just as I had every right to run for my life. I looked towards the doors as Beelzebub began to approach me. I panicked and ran for the first place I could think of.

"You! Come back! You weren't supposed to start yet! It's not fair!" She shouted as she started to chase after me. Luckily for me, I was a field medic and, as such, I was used to running from homicidal demons.

The corridors were narrow and filled with ornaments. Not the best situation to escape from a crazy demon princess. I looked over my shoulder to find her about five metres away from me. If I could just survive until tonight, then Satan would save me. I just kept running. Eventually I ended up at the café dungeon. She was nowhere in sight, but there was no escape route. I would have to hide. I sprinted for the door. Once inside, I quietly closed the door, hid inside a cabinet, and prayed to God.

* * *

**Click, clack, click, clack…**

Satan returned home with a large, body sized bag in one hand, and a large order of takeout in the other. Inside the body bag was Kevin. His muscles were gone so he couldn't walk anymore, but Satan still treasured his old friend. He walked into the dining room and placed Kevin in a chair. The demon king heard loud talking noises from the theatre and walked there quickly to investigate.

Inside were five of his sons. He had invited seven of his children to the family reunion.

He counted the heads of different coloured hair, "Iblis, Amaimon, Lucifer, Azazel, Astaroth… Where are Egyn and Bellezy?"

Lucifer paused the movie and bowed to his father, his perfect blonde hair slicked back precisely. Looking at his father he said, "They both got into arguments with Iblis and left."

"That's unfortunate," Satan frowned. He'd been looking forward to seeing his manipulative bitch of a daughter and his wannabe avenger son. His daughter was a nightmare and his water demon son was still holding a grudge from the 13th century. Maybe it was best they're gone?

"What's in the bag?" Iblis popped his head out from underneath a table.

"What are you doing?"

"P-picking up popcorn, ya'know… appeasing the Popcorn Gods," Iblis lied.

"Yes, keep going Iblis, we wouldn't want to anger them," Satan said, "The Popcorn Gods are not forgiving. One wrong move and they will curse you for all eternity. It's what happened to Kevin."

"Y-yeah, that."

Satan frowned, "Anyways, I bought dinner. It's gyros."

The demon kings began to go to the dining room, Satan noticed the lack of something that was very important to him.

"Where… is my human?" Satan asked, dropping the bags on a chair.

"..." None of the brothers uttered a word.

"I repeat, where is my human?" He asked more sternly.

The silence was unbearable for the father. No one wanted to confess, huh. Then they'd have to do this the hard way…

His blue eyes flashed with equally blue flames. He grabbed Iblis by the hair and threw him against the wall.

Satan scratched his son's cheek with his claws and said, "Tell me where she is or I'm taking away your inheritance and…giving it to Lucifer."

"W-what?!"

"Tell me, Iblis. Or Lucifer becomes heir." An empty threat, and Satan wasn't planning on dying anytime soon, but it would work on Iblis.

"Okay! Okay! Geez, chill. Beelzebub is probably out torturing her or something. I tried to stop her but-"

"Enough!" Satan released his son as he ran off to find his daughter and his mate.

* * *

I was ready. She would be here any moment, but I was prepared. In my right hand, I held a sharp antique knife. I found it after searching the dungeon for weapons I knew how to use. I stood by the door, waiting for someone to open it.

"This is terrible," I thought as I waited and waited.

Hours seemed to pass and I could feel my heart racing. Outside the door, I heard someone walking. They opened the door and, before they could register where I was, I attempted to stab them.

I felt the jagged knife plunge into the abdomen of the demoness as she shrieked.

"You! You! How could you...That hurts," she whimpered.

She kicked me across the room, possibly breaking a few ribs. My eyes widened from the pain and I bit my tongue. I tasted iron and my head was spinning. I looked up to see what looked like three Beelzebubs walk towards me. I rubbed my eyes.

"There was only one. I must have a concussion…" I thought. I sighed; there was no time for this. Everything moved in slow motion as I attempted to crawl away from the demoness.

"This is the end," I thought as she grabbed me by the hair. I whimpered like a pitiful animal. I struggled against her grasp while she grabbed the knife I had stabbed her with and held it against my breast. I pushed against her, but it was no use.

"Please, don't…" I shivered as I tried to push her arm back. Nothing. Nothing. I didn't want to die like this…

"Hmph. You ruined our game. Stupid human."

Suddenly she stabbed the knife into my side and dragged it down, creating a large incision in my side. I was too afraid to feel the pain. She threw me to the ground and lowered her body to mine. She dragged her sharp nails across my breast, ripping my clothes and drawing blood. She tore at my skin, leaving deep cuts across my abdomen.

"Just kill me…" I whimpered. I couldn't think anymore. The pain and fear had completely taken over my mind. All I knew was that I was crying again. It seemed that was all I did anymore…

In response to my pleas, she frowned.

"Are you already done? But I was just starting. No fun."

Blue flames abruptly spread across the room, causing Beelzebub to back away. I stood while I cried, shuddering and hugging my exposed breast.

"Beelzebub," Satan growled. I had never been happier to hear his voice. I sighed in relief. I knew he'd save me. Even if it _was_ just to kill me later…

"Daddy…" She said with wide eyes. She dropped the knife and fell to her knees, "I didn't mean to hurt her, really!"

Ignoring his daughter, Satan walked towards me. He grabbed my arm and pulled me up from the ground. He held my quivering body to his chest.

"Yuri, do you… need medical attention?"

I sniffled and nodded, "I think so." Judging by the large wound in my side and the amount of blood I lost, I probably needed to go to the hospital. Immediately.

I looked at him.

He looked extremely angry and, if the woman who had done this to me hadn't been his youngest and only daughter, she'd most certainly have been dead. I couldn't read him any further but it seemed that he was making a conscious effort to hide his emotions.

He picked me up and placed me on a table as he took out his cell phone in complete silence. He sat next to me on the table and started playing with my hair.

"Hello? I have an emergency… My human was attacked… 666 Windor Oak Drive, Altea City, 39833… Okay… Goodbye."

"Beelzebub," He turned to face his daughter who remained on her knees, "What is wrong with you?"

"I- I didn't know I would hurt her this bad...I swear I just wanted to play. _And_ she was _lying_ about you, daddy." Beelzebub tried to defend herself.

"She's my human, how dare you touch her..." Satan growled.

"But Daddy! She said that you kissed her."

"That's true."

"W-what? No way! Daddy, that's a joke, right?"

Satan sighed, "Get out, Beelzebub."

Satan seemed enraged as I watched him stare at his daughter with a blank expression. I wondered what he was thinking for a bit before everything went black.

* * *

"Beelzebub," He growled, "What an idiot."

He was infuriated. His only daughter had just attempted to torture and kill his human. Why didn't she understand that she was his? He owned her; he could do with her as he pleased. However, Beelzebub? Fuck no! How dare she touch his human!

How would he punish his daughter? Death? Torture? Prison?

Banishment.

Yes, he would banish his daughter to the Hel Desert, the worst region in Gehenna. Criminals and the extremely poor lived there. It was extremely hot, with most summers reaching 40 degrees. This is what most thought of when they thought of Hell. Well, without the flames…

"Yuri..."

His human was no longer responding to his voice. He was beginning to worry… He'd always heard that humans were fragile creatures, but to witness his human in this state was very hard on him. Especially since his own child did this. Not that he'd ever say it; he was too prideful.

He pressed his fingers to her wrist and checked for a pulse. He sighed when he felt it. It was weaker than normal, but not anything that he thought too serious.

"Yuri…" He whispered, holding her hand to his mouth, "You… have to be alright. I have grown far too attached to you."

He felt her hair and noticed that it was wet with blood. He should have never left her alone. It was his duty to protect his mate and he had been remiss. He should have seen this coming and taken her with him.

He let his tail out discretely and quickly wrapped it around her arm. It coiled around her slender arm, his furry tail tickling her. He felt relieved, she may have passed out, but she could still feel him.

Tails were very complicated appendages. There were many different meanings to a simple gesture like holding someone with your tail. It could mean that you're close friends, family, or lovers. It could be romantic, friendly, comforting, or dominance.

In this case, anyone would be able to see that it was longing, fear of loss, and _**disquiet**_.

* * *

Extra Scene (Not Really!): If I'm James Dean, you're Audrey Hepburn

Stan walked into the school for the ferst tiem. He had never been to a school before becuz he was rich an his parents are home school money! He was worry he not fit with the coll kidz

but he soon seed thet it is not cool to be cool.

Satsn wlaked into the sool for the first tiem. He had never been to a school before cuz he's parents were home school money! He was witht he worried he would not fitt in wit the cool kidz/ But he soon seed that is not cool to nbe cool!1

Satin walk to first class perood. It was the maths!1! He fall in to the hell. Class make him want to shoot head with gun becxu he should be die

Satin cut self and say "My existenz is cucumber!" and he cryed very a lot.

Yuri walked to him and slap razor ot of hand!

"U cannot do cut! You will be died!"

Satin wuz in luve. He cannot say no to yurs.

"Okay wills stop." And he stopped.

They kissed and used the tongs. They were loved and together.

But then! Shiro sawwww!

"Oh no!" sed Yurs

"Oh no!" siad Satin

"Oh God! Yuri why you want fuck demon! HE EVIL! FUck me insted."

"SHiro u is like a brotha to me! I fuck demon bitch"

"Wutt? Bitshc?!" Stan was offend. He was nut 'Bithc.' Stan run away to bath and he take razor!

"Oh noe! Sitan run to bath and take razer!" Yuru saeds and run for her demon boy.

Saton cried trea of sadness and sorrow. He isad and is now dyin of the sad. The razer is lost in his dermis.

"Satan!"

"The raze is lost in my dermis! Take out! With your teeth!" He purred. He wanted sexy human to find raze in his dermis. **AN: IDK why? Maybe is cute? Maybe is nut? IDK OKAY I TRIED YOU CAN T PLEASE EVERYONE I KNOW I CANT**

"Okay…" she blushed. She blushed. He blushed. They blushed. he put her teeth to his dermis. She pull it out with tteeth stan is cri.

Satan grab human neck and pin her to wall "tank you he sed" and he kissed her mouth and nose and neck.

Yurs purred and they were love adnd they were a little blush.

Stan is sad yuri thought

"Why is tSaan sad?" ask her

"Because Satan want og further but is shy." He puttered like a dying put put train and puted away from sexy woman.

"Huh yuri question?

"I can not be with you bezuc you are hman and I m not. You are cancer cancer." "I can not be with you bezuc you are hman and I m not. You are cancer cancer."

"But stan I love"

"I love thee as well" said like fancy rich sexy boy

"I am loiev with you do not go!"

"I have" and he did.

Yuri cried. She took Stan ol blerd old raze an cut herself!1!

Shiro see and be like "Do not cut urs yurs"

"Satan is no more my"

"Is sorry"

"IC love shiro"

"Ic love yukio want to juss yuki"

Yuri and shiro kissed!1!

But stan had come back to propose to Yuri!

"I see how it is. You like your friend me"

"I do not! I was make gellous!"

"You are whore!" He shout and blue flames were like tears of icey hot. StAN CHANT HIS CHANT OF DEMONIC CIRCLE!

"AVE CORMTELLI MAR! aVE cormtelli sar! Ave corrrrrraba contura MARDALOF" He spill blood from cut on demon circle and summon Mardalof.

Mardalof was the most beautiful girl. She was pretter than Stan an dYuri and all other girlz. She was an goddess. She had short black hair and dark brown eyes that looked like beautifuyl brown jewels. Her skin was dark like beautiful African goddess. Her eyes were very much a lot nice. She had a nice ass and she was the Goddess. She was short but cute and was 16 yrs old. She was the best and way prettier than the hows at school. She wore gothic clothes and had a parasol. She wore black mascara and eyeliner and she wore fishnet with lace dress. She has boots and they is nice and new. She is happy and _totally_ _not_ contemplating suicide. **AN: IT'S ME! Fuck you Amber! You can only aspire to be what I am! Fucking whore.**

"I am the grand wizard Mardalof. Why have you summoned me, Satan?"

"Revenge me! Cheating whore Yuri is fuck SHirrrrrrrrr"!"

Mardalof rise brow, "Okay?"

Mardalof waved her gloved hand and made Yuri's body convulse. She screamed in pain as Mardalof's dark magic ripped apart her ligaments and shattered each and every one of her bones. All 206 of them. Yuri stopped moving, and Mardalof dropped her to the ground. Blood pooled around her contorted body. Her eyes were wide open and her arms and legs were bent in unimaginable ways.

"WHAT THE HELL!" Satan scremed and cradled his love interests broken, deformed, and lifeless body. He cried many tears. Many, many sweet tears.

"No problem," The Great Goddess Mardalof smirked as she watched Shiro and Satan cry over their loss. She then went out for hot dogs before returning to her realm.

* * *

Chapter 4 Complete!

I know it took forever and I promised it within the next few days of the Holiday short, but I changed my mind about someone's character and rewrote the entire thing.

Then my grandmother had surgery and now she's in the hospital. Then school happened and I started new classes. Then I've been depressed. Then I started a club at my school. Then the Chinese Club is planning a spring festival in April and I'm in charge of a significant portion. I'm officer in charge of the fashion show!

But most of all, I've been editing the typos out of the earlier chapters (I haven't updated that yet, though) and planning the next chapters. Chapter 5 shouldn't take very long. It's been a year since I first uploaded this story and I'm glad I've stuck with it.

Excuses aside, please review as usual and fave and/or follow if you wish. Suggestions for extra scenes are encouraged.

Did you like my _Devil Survivor 2_ Reference? I love that game. Also Tales of Graces.

BTW who put me on TV Tropes? This fanfic is on the Fanfic Recs page for Ao No Exorcist! And it's a positive review! Whoever that was thank you!


	6. Angels, Prison, and Painkillers

**Chapter 5: Angels, Prison, and Painkillers**

**AN: All the separate sections are in different places around the same time and there are many flashbacks throughout, which are in italics. It is not a normal chapter, and the reasons for this may not yet be clear, although the perceptive reader can probably guess. Next chapter will make this all add up. Okay?**

* * *

**Part 1 and 2: In the White Light/Dirty Duty**

Lynne was a frightening devil. Not only was she the younger sister of the King of Gehenna, Satan, she was a leading member of a large cult. The Angels of Eridu, an ancient cult based on a twisted version of the popular human religion called Judaism.

Lynne stood in the communal bath, attempting to wrap her opaque black veil around her head. In The Family, everyone wore similar black tunics and veils. Man or woman; demon or human. Rank in The Family was distinguished by the colour of beads around the neck. Black denoted new or troublesome members, also known as the black-hearted. White represented the saved, such as the Earth Father and his disciples. Different shades of grey were somewhere in between.

Lynne toyed with her off-white beads. She was one step away from true purity and eternal salvation. Lynne knew the reasons why she had not achieved salvation in her thousand years of service in the name of the Lord.

One reason was her sinful brother.

"Lailah," The Earth Father called her holy name, "The service is about to start. What are you doing?"

"I'm on my way," She stood and turned towards the door. She took a glance at her reflection in the water on her way out.

That another reason she had not yet reached salvation. In her previous life, she lived as a sinful vain devil. She would stare in the mirror while her servants pleated her hair and tied bright gold ribbons into braids, admiring her reflection. Her lips stained with red would form a smile as she looked into her own flame blue eyes.

"_Lynne!" the 14 year old's older brother knocked on the door, "Hurry up! You'll miss the ceremony."_

_The teen flipped her long black hair out of her face and teased, "Who cares? It's just your stupid coronation, it's not like it's important or anything." _

She remembered the awe in the commoners' eyes as they watched their princess travel through town in her palanquin. Alongside her ivory skin, her long black hair was her crowning glory, causing many peasant women to dye theirs black, although the indigo dyed hair paled in comparison to the real deal.

_Lynne waved at the people and smiled from inside the palanquin. She sat next to her brother, who had just been crowned Imperator Reye, king of all the Allied Kingdoms. Her older brother was now the most important man in all Gehenna and that saddened her. _

"_Why do you of all people have to be Emperor? Couldn't older sister do it?"_

"_Lucretia can't deal with stress and she'd much rather freely travel the world than be tied down to the capital."_

"_You don't sound too happy about this…"_

"…"

"_Satan," She turned to face him, blue stared into familiar blue, "Why would you do this? Didn't you want to be a playwright?"_

"_I did indeed, but we both know that older sister couldn't do it and I just happened to be the only one left."_

"_Why did mom have to die…? Now we won't get to talk anymore."_

"_That's not true. I'll always make time for you. After all, mother always made time for family when she was alive. I'll always make time for you."_

He didn't.

Lynne remembered the cheering of the crowds. Mobs of men praising the young princess and the new emperor. She remembered the many love notes thrown at the siblings.

_Satan laughed as he collected a huge stack of letters with his little sister's name on it, "The people love you, Lynne. I might have to cremate some of these guys." _

_She pouted and crossed her arms, the sleeves of her black silk dress rustling, "They don't know me."_

"_True. But what they do know is that you're not fake. They may not see all of you, but they definitely see your beauty, grace, and cheerfulness," He complimented, "Just seeing your smile drives the people crazy."_

"_Don't forget about you. You're so calm and collected all the time! The girls love mystique. Not to mention that you're not ugly or a terrible person."_

"_Huh?"_

Lynne frowned. Who knew that her dear brother would become the worst person in all the worlds?

She had finally made it to the chapel and made her way to the stage.

She cleared her throat and adjusted her veil. Grasping her beads she muttered, "Blessed be the mighty Sky Father and our humble Earth Father. May their teachings guide our hearts always. Let us not give in to the temptation of the outside world.

"In the sinful outside world there is no family, but here we are one family. In the sinful world, there is hatred… here there is only love. In the sinful world, there is no modesty, no humility, and no grace! Only shame! Only evil!

"And the cause of this evil… Is Satan, the sinful king of the damned. This beast has gone too far in these past few months. He has killed innocent children for being a different race, killed countless people in an arson, banished his own daughter to Hel, and he killed two human exorcists named Kanae Sugase and Hideki Akamatsu and kidnapped and abused the third, Yuri Egin.

"Our mission will be to rescue the captured human and bring an end to Satan once and for all. After he is dealt with, the Earth Father shall rule this world as God's medium!"

The crowd cheered as Lynne stepped back from the podium and headed for the Earth Father's temple. The Earth Father prayed day after day for an end to the horrors of the outside world and salvation for all the Angels. At least that's what he told the others.

"Earth Father, I have told them what they needed to know."

He smirked, "Good. Now go to the capital and make sure everything is in place."

Lynne nodded her head and headed out.

* * *

**Part 3: It's a Glass Cage**

Beelzebub stood in front of a rusted industrial iron door. She could feel the heat radiating from some point beyond the door and she was reluctant to open it.

A large guard grabbed her arm and grunted, "Come on, what are ya waiting for? I don't got all day."

"Get your hands off of me," the shortest Demon King pouted, "Don't make me tell Daddy…"

The guard laughed, "Yer 'Daddy' was the one who sent ya here, what makes ya think he cares?"

The girl's antennae visibly drooped at the thought that her daddy hated her, or worse, that he didn't care about her anymore. Would her father really hate her, his only daughter and youngest child? Her daddy would come and get her once he calmed down. Her big brothers would definitely convince their daddy to let her go.

The guard dragged the Gothic Lolita girl to her cell by her pigtails.

"Kimoi!" She squealed. He was touching her hair with his gross prison guard hands!

On a brighter note, it seemed that her daddy had thought of her after all, seeing as the bar-less "cell" was triple the size of the others and had a private bathroom, a bed, and air conditioning.

"Sugoi!" She giggled. She may be in prison, but she could manage. She sat down on the king sized bed and kicked her feet back and forth. She got up and examined the bathroom. She tinkered with the AC. However, she soon found out what her true punishment was.

She was bored.

"Ugh… I've never been this bored in my life!" the princess complained. The only thing she hated more than boredom was pesticides. She looked in the corners of the room for seltas larvae, Indus worms, Awahondo, chuchi, anything she could befriend. But she soon found that there was absolutely no one in that room except her.

She pouted. Bugs were always there for her. Even when her brothers weren't there, even when her daddy wasn't there, bugs always were.

_The year was 3004 Year of Our Lady Gehenne, or 1838 by the Gregorian calendar. _

_A group of exorcists stood next to a group of horses. They had travelled far to exorcise a giant Chuchi and their horses needed a rest. A monk like exorcist searched the area for demons. Upon finding none, he set up a strong barrier around the camp._

_Suddenly the man heard a squeak. He turned his head back to see a young girl with antennae swaying on her head and comically small insect wings on her revealed back. _

_She gripped the large, ruffled skirt of her black dress with her head down. The dress, quite immodest at the time, was sleeveless and went down to her knees. She wore black knit silk stockings and some form of early arm warmer made from the same material. It was quite the unusual outfit in the liberal Gehenna, let alone Assiah. The girl let out another squeak and attempted to run away from the man, but was quickly met with an anti-demon barrier._

"_Ohhh nooo~" She whined, "I wanna go home…"_

_An exorcist with a sword approached the young she devil and held out his sword, "Die, demonic harlot!"_

"_W-what? No, don't hurt me please," She cried, "I just wanna go home."_

"_Lies!" the swordsman shouted._

"_Indeed," said the monk, "I do not believe it to be coincidence that we found an insect demon on our quest to exorcise an insect demon. Either there is a serious plague or it is the true form of the giant Chuchi."_

"_W-what?!" Beelzebub stuttered, "No, I'm just lost. I need to find my big brothers."_

"_It just said that it will bring more demons! We must slay it now!" Said the swordsman._

_The aria began chanting a curse, "Comprimendan bestia a nequaquam contamina ese sancta terra."_

_The young girl was tied in holy silver chains, burning her exposed skin and keeping her still so the knight could finish her off. She felt the sword pierce through her abdomen and warm blood soaked her clothes. The wound closed up due to her demonic healing, but as soon as it did, the knight stabbed her again. She felt herself getting weaker and weaker as she lost more blood. _

"_Help!" She cried. She was always the helpless princess. Her brothers or father would always deal with things for her and she had never learned how to defend herself. Now she could see the problem with letting others do everything for her._

_Suddenly, as if they heard the cries of their Queen, two giant demon mantises emerged from the sky, their dark insect wings flittering. They lunged at the exorcists, holding them still with their forearms, ripping them apart and freeing their master. _

_Beelzebub looked on at the scene and watched while the Mantises ate the exorcists' heads. It was a truly terrifying sight. _

_And she loved it._

_As she fell to the ground from blood loss, she realized that she had discovered her talent. Unlike most of her family, she couldn't make anything out of thin air. Instead, the bugs had to be around to answer her calls. Maybe she wasn't as useful as Egyn with his water manipulation or Lucifer with his blinding light, but now she wasn't as helpless. _

_Anyone who said otherwise would be fed to her twin Mantises._

It was truly depressing that in the prison cell she could not summon her mantises or any other bugs. If only her father hadn't made her get rid of her head lice! She fidgeted with the ribbons in her hair as she sighed. Perhaps, it was an oopsie to hurt her father's human. But she really didn't think that his human would be so fragile! She was only playing with it. If she had meant to hurt it she would have summoned her friends.

She thought that the human was bad for her father so she didn't particularly feel bad about harming the human, but she felt terrible that her father disapproved of her. What if he hated her?

She stood and walked to the wooden door and called out, "Can I call my daddy? I need to say I'm sorry. Please? ~~~ "

The guard opened the cell door and walked her to the phone.

"There _are_ bugs here," she smirked. It seemed that her cell was the only place without her friends. Now was her time to strike. With a move of her hand, a swarm of chuchi attacked the guards. The girl ran as fast as she could towards the exit.

She was going to find her daddy and apologise.

* * *

**Part 4 and 5: The Dark and Never Ending Sea/Tales from the Inverted Womb**

Satan sat in the hospital with his human, Yuri. The doctors said that she would have to stay there for around a week so they could continue monitoring her.

Yuri was high on painkillers and was mumbling the strangest things.

"Satan you should totally meet my best friend. His name is Shiro-kun~! And he's the paladin or something. Oh, wait. You're Satan. Maybe you shouldn't meet him."

"I would prefer not to meet him."

"Huh? Why? Is it because his name is Shiro!? What do you have against people named Shiro?!"

Satan sighed, "No. It's because he's an exorcist."

"Oh… Sing me a song, pwease darling?"

"No."

"Whyyyy? I dunneven care if you can't sing," she slurred.

"I can sing. But I would prefer not to."

"Why?" she asked, her eyes wide with childish curiosity.

"Because."

"Pwease, darling, pwease?"

"Fine. However, I don't know any human songs so you will have to deal with whatever I desire to sing. Understood?"

"Yep!"

"And it counts as a favour."

"Yep!"

Satan smirked, singing a short song was well worth being one step closer to killing his favourite human. He wondered what song to sing, but eventually decided that he would just sing Japanese version of the first song from the musical he wrote as a teen. He sang quietly to not disturb the other patients.

"_O Despair,_

_Please, don't follow me there,_

_Let me breathe freely for once in this life._

_In this dark and never ending sea,_

_I have found a light._

_My lover, she waits for me._

_O Despair,_

_Can we not be spared?_

_Let me breathe freely for once in this life._

_In this dark and never ending sea,_

_My light turned to night._

_My lover, she's left without me._

_O Despair,_

_Please accompany me,_

_Take the wind out of me-_

_Take the breath out of me-_

_Take the life out of me._

_In this dark and never ending sea,_

_I will find my light_

_My lover she waves to me."_

Yuri clapped quietly, so as to not disturb the other patients, "That was depressing, but really good! Is the song some old folk song or something?"

"No… I wrote it when I was much younger."

"Really? Why don't you write music anymore?"

"I… don't have time," He said gloomily. If his life were in his hands, he'd write music for millennia.

"Oh…" Yuri seemed to notice his unwillingness to talk about the subject.

"Yeah…"

Attempting to change the subject, the human asked, "So, how was your childhood?"

"…Okay, I guess."

"Hmm?"

"I had a mother and siblings. I wasn't poor. I never got any serious illnesses, although I was prone to catching the stomach flu once a year. I had an education," He said. Unhidden sorrow was in his tone and his human noticed it.

"You don't seem too happy."

"My mother died, leaving me to become ruler of Gehenna and crushing all my dreams. Then my younger sister joined a cult because I didn't pay enough attention to her. Then my older sister blamed me for her life going wrong and the family fell apart."

The black haired demon would never admit it, but it felt good to vent about things. Throughout his life, he'd always buried his problems and regrets in shallow graves and they always came back to haunt him. He wondered if he'd have been happier, more satisfied, with his life if he had someone like his human, someone who he could actually talk to, someone besides his only "friend" Ifrit, all those years ago. Speaking of Ifrit…

Ring…Ring…Ring…

The blue-flamed demon's phone rang.

"Hello, Ifrit. Open the Gehenna gate? Now?"

"Satan… I'm hungry."

"Hold on, Yuri, I have to do something for Ifrit." Satan said as he walked out of the hospital room.

* * *

**Part 6: Fair-weather Friend**

The Aladdin, pal dine, paladin or whatever stood across from the drug dealer. They were the only ones in the room, but Ifrit probably couldn't take the top exorcist in a fight. Not to mention he was tied to a chair, surrounded by holy demon slaying weapons.

"What do ya want now, exorcist?" Ifrit asked.

"Tell me what you're doing here," the human said as he inhaled cigarette smoke.

"Nothing illegal. Nope," lying was his passion.

"Look," glared the exorcist, "I can kill you if you want, but don't say I didn't give you a chance."

"Ehh, fine. I'll tell you whatever. Just… don't do that killing thing. I've been shot toooo many times this year," Ifrit gave in. He inwardly apologised to all the other Assio-Gehenna drug dealers. And Satan.

"…That was easy," Shiro sighed, "So you were sellin' drugs, why?"

"I dunno, Habit, Money, someone has to amiright?" Ifrit shrugged, the chains scraping his skin.

"Okay… why Assiah? Why not Gehenna?"

"One: it's safer since human police can't do shit to demons. Two: It's easier to smuggle drugs here. Three: I deal in Gehenna too."

"Who are you possessing?"

"Some guy named Edward from the 17th century."

"Who is your 'bud?' The one you said would kill me."

"Satan," Ifrit said.

Fijimizu's eyes widened as he reached for his sword, "…That Satan?"

"Yep, I'm his best friend. Well, only friend. We're both pretty unlikable dudes."

Suddenly Ifrit found the paladin's holy sword against his neck, "Where is she?"

"Who?"

"Yuri Egin. My best friend."

"Doesn't ring a bell."

"Brown hair. Covered in moles."

"Oh, that bitch? Hah, it would be your type."

"Where is she?" He pressed the blade closer to the demon's neck.

"Gehenna."

"How do I get to her?"

"Whoah? Are ya crazy? It's Satan's human now. You can't have it."

"What do you mean she's _his_ human?" Fijimizu said as he sheathed the sword.

"I mean, it's his. Satan has a human fetish or watched too many rom coms and decided bestiality was a good idea."

Shiro frowned. Undeterred, he asked, "I see… Now tell me how do I get there?"

"What? Really?... Alright. Just let me get my cell phone and call Satan to get him to open the Gehenna Gate."

The paladin released the demon and handed him the demon's flip phone.

* * *

**Extra Scene: Lynne's Secret**

With permission from the Earth Father, Lynne had entered the capital city. She looked around, making sure no one was watching as she slipped into an arcade. Every time she was allowed to leave, she would come to this arcade and play video games. She quickly spent all her coins. The Earth Father only gave her a few blank one-dollar coins for food, as the paper currency depicted the sinful rulers of the past and false Goddess. Lynne found that she could use her feminine charm to bewitch others. They'd give her anything if she flirted a bit. She saw a beautiful purple haired woman and decided to start a conversation. See if she'd buy the princess dinner. Lynne preferred women over men; she found she could be more genuine. Women just inspired a raw feeling inside of her.

Lynne strutted over to the booth with the woman and asked in a sultry voice, "Would you mind a little company?"

The purple haired woman stared at the 'Angel' in silence, her gaze seeming to linger on her plump breasts and shapely hips.

"A-alright," She blushed.

"I'm Lynne, what's your name, gorgeous?"

"Monday… Umm, Can I get you something to eat?"

"Oh no, I couldn't…" Lynne insisted, finger against her pink parted lips.

"It's okay; I'll buy you whatever you want…" Monday licked her lips, clearly aroused.

"Okay, but…" Lynne stammered. She leaned against Monday's body and stroked her arm, "Maybe we could…hang out after dinner?"

Bingo. Lynne had just scored dinner _and_ desert.

That was her last reason for not attaining salvation. She just couldn't resist the temptation of getting into another woman's panties.

* * *

**AN: Okay. That's Chapter 5. Thanks for reading, remember to review and follow, possibly fav, and have a great day!**


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